It is clear to me as I watch this that Glover is just doing shtick. I've read before that Letterman was so disturbed by this appearance that he refused to ever have Glover on again ... was it an off-night for the famously over-prepared host, or was this some kind of Andy Kaufman-esque stunt? I would think Letterman could smell shtick from a mile away.

Also ... I have never heard this mentioned before, but Glover's outfit is from the (cult) classic Trent Harris film "Rubin and Ed." The woman in the audience heckling his shoes seems suspiciously like a plant to me. This is clearly a conspiracy of the highest order, and I implore Salon to address it in a 12-page investigative report, post-haste!

Verizon is not completely honest when they say they prorate their early termination fee. I was forced to sign up for a 2 year contract about 16 months ago in order to get the totally-useless, biggest-mistake-of-my-life Razr V3. I loathe this phone and have been wanting to get rid of it forever, but I loathe Verizon equally as much and I did not want to give them $175 for nothing. About 2 weeks ago, I read about the prorating situation, and my eyes lit up. The catch is that the prorate does not apply to anyone who signed their contract before the rule went into effect, which was the fall of 2006. So although it was advertised as a kindhearted thing to do for their customers, the people who already had agreements with Verizon, i.e., the people who might actually take advantage of the prorate, are locked out of the deal, even though I have been paying those bastards for the last year and a half.

It will be a happy day when I can finally ditch this phone for good and move to another provider who is just as awful yet in exciting and new ways.

I'm confused. Obama has been accused of stealing words from someone who freely admits he gave them to Obama. It's as if you gave me your television, and I took your television, and then my neighbor came over and said, "why did you steal that guy's television?" And I'd say, "no, he gave it to me," and you'd say, "no, I gave it to him," and my neighbor would say, "I'm going to alert the media."

Also: it is a very well-hidden secret that politicians often hire people to help them write their speeches. I know, I was surprised the first time I heard this information, too. These "speech writers" (as they're called) have a fairly limited range of topics which they are required to address ... "inspire hope(TM 2007 Barack Obama Ltd.)", "Get out the vote (C. 1999 Sean John Enterprises (I know, I was surprised by that one, too!)). For the most part, these "speech writers" are human beings who have not yet had the "encyclopedic catalog of all language utilized in the history of political speeches" chip installed in their brain-drives. From time to time, they may very well repeat a sentiment that has been offered before in one of the many thousands of political races that have taken place in our history. Yes, it is alarming, and I hope the Bush administration will manage to enact severe penalties for this sort of unconscionable act before the McCain/Lieberman administration takes over. Please visit www.installencyclopedicknowledgeofpoliticalspeecheschipinspeechwritersbrains.com if you are interested in contributing to this noble cause.

Dear Saint Joan:

Thank you, thank you, thank you for forgiving your friends who voted for Nader in 2000! I'm sure they felt simply awful, especially considering the brave, bold campaign for change that we all remember Al Gore running, and the precedent-setting legal battle he mounted when he found out he, um, actually won. I've been especially impressed with the way that you and your writers have spent the last 8 years constantly reminding the ass-backwards change monkeys who had the gall to vote for a "consumer advocate" (whatever the Hell THAT means) that they carry the severest burden of responsibility for their fellow Americans' inability to distinguish between a capable leader and an English-impaired feeb. Twice! You are doing a great job of showing us all why incremental, imperceptible, and mostly nonexistent change is a concept worth fighting for. Thaaaaank yoooooooouuuuu!