Hey Dockster, maybe if more women stayed in the workforce and rose to the top, there would be more women with the power to change America's policies towards the rest of the world. Especially if those women networked and mentored younger women.

Part of the problem is that most women in their 20's and 30's grew up being told that they could be president. When it turned out that what most of them could really be was bored middle management (just like the little boys they grew up with), they retreated to a place where nobody could accuse them of failing and where they would always be #1. Oh, and somehow they never had the guts to demand that their husbands take on 50% of the household chores and childcare. Playing teaparty with the kids is not equivalent to mopping up their vomit. Men have it easy on the household front, but then get all the responsibility of supporting an extra dependent for as long as she "chooses" to be so. Feminism should have freed them from that too.

Anyway, I wouldn't care what other women did, if it didn't affect how women who would actually like to have careers are viewed by employers (maternity leave time bombs) and how much power women have in the world (not much when a good portion of the wealthiest and best-educated women are at home cleaning the toilets rather than in the real world setting foreign policy).

Workplaces will not change until enough women make the difficult choice to stick with their jobs until they reach the top and are able to change things. As for influencing your husband to do so, as one poster suggested, remember that Abigail Adams asked her husband to "Remember the ladies, and be more generous and favourable to them than your ancestors." Is there any mention of women's rights in the Declaration of Independence or the Constitution?

Again Dockster, there are tragedies everywhere, everyday. Shall we vote on the worst one and just discuss that? When someone in your family dies, do you mourn them, or do you dismiss your and other family members' grief by remember that there are AIDS orphans in Africa who have it much worse? Our country has a huge deficit, shall we not talk about that because other countries have a much lower gnp and far more debt? Or is it just women's issues where we have to shut up and take it if we're not currently being ritualistically maimed?

I'm sure I'll be flamed for this, but hey, there are worse problems than a nice flame-bath :->

It's not just a question of whether the LW wants to remain in the wedding or tell her friend what she thinks of the guy. It's that the bride has asked her to lie and say that she's now thinks the groom is great. On the one hand, that's a good sign, because it means the bride has such doubts herself that she wants to hear what she knows would be false praise for her fiance. On the other, who would want to have to lie? This is about the LW's dignity and self-respect, and whether she's willing to hurt herself by saying words she knows aren't true.

In a way, the bride is trying to pull the LW down to the level of insecurity, self-doubt, and low self-esteem that the bride herself is already at. The groom's not the only one who's screwed up, and I really hope the couple doesn't have children (but we all know they will). I hope the LW does what she knows is right.

The letter writer says, "all along he calls me every day", "he wanted me so much that he tried to be the perfect man for me." One of the posts here says her ex was "sweet for days, [gave her] gifts." Maybe that's the behavior to look out for. If a guy has to be smooooooth and perfectly romantic, it's probably to cover up something pretty bad. It takes a ton of rose petals to disguise the smell of shit.

I bet Napoli will be re-elected. A majority of South Dakotan women will vote for him, because they like his stance on family values, or "security", or some such manufactured nonsense. When this issue and his quote is brought to their attention, they will say some variation on: "Isn't feminism about choice? It's my choice to vote for him. Anyway, abortion is still legal and Republicans wouldn't dare overturn Roe, so I don't see what you're getting all worked up about."

Yeah, I'm feeling pessimistic, but the above quote is pretty much what I've been hearing (everywhere else but this site) about the recent wave of anti-abortion laws. And about every other feminist issue. Pretty soon, all that will be left of Roe v. Wade will be Stepford wives wrapping up all their conformist decisions in the language of choice.

What a wonderful article! I hope it means Salon is getting back to publishing well-written, mature, thought-provoking articles on parenting. Maybe the editors really did listen to all the criticism.

If a woman tries to have a child too late, she may find out she's infertile. In that scenario, a mature woman suffers. If a woman follows your suggestions, Johnnie Girl, and has a child in her mid-twenties, that may be too early for her to have a stable marriage, the best education she wants/is capable of, a good job, financial security, a house, etc. In that scenario, a child suffers. Which is worse, a woman in her forties who has an exciting career but cannot have children, or a deprived child?