Consider the source: Amy Benfer was all distressed when her daughter's father showed up after 9 years, and omigod:

"It didn't help that the differences between Steve and me about politics, lifestyle, and childrearing philosophies had become comic. He worked as a roofer, voted as a conservative Republican, worshipped as a Baptist, and lived in rural Idaho."

Since her parents paid for her and the kid, she did the smart thing:

"I got a lawyer and, without telling Steve, filed for sole legal and physical custody."

It's nice Alice worked as an unpaid nanny all those years.

I'm amused by the commenter who thinks "we" can "never tell". We can always tell. The author refers to Thomas' "manly chest", which is unintentionally hilarious. Thomas looks, from the waist up, like a 14 year old boy with a beard, hairly armpits and no chest or stomach hair.

Most F to M think they appear and act far more masculine they really do. I've worked on a TV series on this very subject, and one of the college women who transitioned ended up acting like a pesky kid brother, not a grown man.

Patrick Califia-Rice and partner Matt look like the Tele-tubbies with stubble.

I don't really care if Thomas has a baby as Thomas or Thomasina. But spare me the self-congratualtions on how the transgendered community is fooling the rest of us. You're not.

Constant yelping about pronouns and M/F choices on official forms is tiresome.

I don't quite understand why Katharine Mieszkowski did this rather perfunctory interview, and on a throw-away weekend as well. Maybe someone with an actual sense of humor could have done a better job, but Salon never seems to be able to attract those writers.

Mieszkowski did a marginally better job with Elizabeth Royte's book on bottled water, so she's not a beginner, and her bananas piece was good. Maybe she's better with facts and received opinions than humor and high-jinks.

The LW and Cary fall prey to the assumption that museums are nice places to hang out, while getting a pay check. An undergrad art history degree will not get the LW a job in a museum, except as a clerk in the gift shop or as a guard. At 56, too old for the guard job. The LW is starting too late to amass the necessary degrees, research, and published works to achieve the curatorship or conservation job dreamed about.

And museums are usually stuffed with political infighting that makes a trading floor look like a garden.

While becoming an appraiser is one route--which sure doesn't require a BA, why not look into a degree program in Archiving. The digital world is still trying to figure out how to save everything ever posted, written, or linked on the net, and this field is still growing. The LW's previous experience might be relevant.

I think the LW wants to hide someplace, while looking at pretty pictures and reading good books, which is fine, but isn't going to support him/her until Social Security kicks in, which isn't going to support him/her until death.

I wonder what the Broadsheet writers would make of Cary's gut-felt answer. Intuition is all fine, but women in general and this LW in particular should probably get more level-headed advice from a financial planner.

Yes, quality of life matters, family and friends matter, but financial security and career goals matter as well. Otherwise, she's going to be selling her furniture to support herself in retirement. Think about the money and the long-term ramifications of the choices, not the romance of the neighborhood.

It's so cute that someone this stupid managed to send a letter to Cary. Imagine the letters that he declined to answer.

LW: you need to do something drastic. Murder/suicide springs to mind. Don't bother with a note.

Cary: The Sea World erection letter was funny. This isn't. Go back on vacation.

Does the letter writer want to create or just be able to call herself an artist?

She seems more concerned about what group she can hang with--the tribe of writers (easily identified by their ritual scars) or the free divas.

And then there's this "outside looking in" question:

"I see creative people doing commercially creative work: editors, graphic designers, etc. I feel that I could be one of them, but I also feel that I don't want to make my art commercial; I don't even know if I could. How should I proceed?"

Cary neatly sidesteps that question, because well, he's not too sure that the creative world is hiring right now.

OhMercy--you're thinking of Morita psychology, re-interpreted in the West by David K. Reynolds as Constructive Living. In a nutshell: Do What Needs To Be Done.

So who's going to get the LW as an attorney? Some poor soul with a DWI?

If the LW is having so much trouble with taking the bar exam, maybe she needs to go wait tables or sell lipstick or toner or do something else that can't hurt another person.

Forget the partner--why waste some other person's time?

Law school must have been a great place to hang out, but now it's time to join the rest of the world.

Isn't this basically the plot of Beaches with Bette Midler and Barbara Hershey?

Adderall. And a job that isn't soul-killing.

Edwards hired Hunter to make campaign videos, using donations from supporters, despite her utter lack of experience or qualifications. So, did those donors to his campaign know that they were supporting his girl-friend?

Just don't write:

"I'm sorry if you were offended/hurt/annoyed."