Letters to the Editor
Magali
Published Letters: 13 Editor's Choice: 3
-
Run. Run far, run fast.
[Read the article: I'm working for a cokehead at a free arts magazine]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]Get the heck out of there! Yes, change is scary - I'm with you there. But working for a boss like that is soul-sucking and just not worth it. Maybe you can still take that job at the other newspaper - it's worth asking. If not, maybe you can temp while you look for something else.
If you do quit, I'm sure your boss will throw another fit, full of empty promises, accusations, whining and whatever else. Brace yourself and have a response ready ("I've decided it's time for me to move on." "I've found another opportunity I want to pursue."). When she tries to get you to change your mind, repeat your prepared phrase like a broken record, but don't engage with her, and don't negotiate.
I agree with Cuff Links that the cocaine isn't really the source of the problem, but the fact that she can find the money to finance that but not to keep her promises to give you a raise is telling, isn't it? You owe it to yourself to find a position where you'll be paid what you're worth and where you'll be treated fairly. Go for it.
-
Okay, let's recap
[Read the article: Some drunken chick is texting my husband while we're sleeping]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]1. He cheated on his old girlfriend and presumably lied about it, or at least hid it
2. He cheated on the LW before they were married and lied about it (repeatedly) when asked directly
3. He only admitted to having cheated on LW after they were married (i.e., he hid important information about himself and the relationship in order to get her to do want he wanted), and only then once he'd extracted a promise that they'd never discuss it again
4. When the LW asks about things that smack of his earlier, admitted cheating, he tries to shame her into silence by telling her that she's crazy and that it's her fault that he isn't more forthcoming because of "how she gets."
What a prince.
I don't know if he's cheating with this particular woman - he may not be. But he's showing himself to be disrespectful and manipulative. Unfortunately, this isn't news - he's been that way since before the LW started dating him. I'd be seriously surprised if he could change. People who do this kind of thing aren't dense or clueless; they just don't care, and they don't see anything wrong with prioritizing their own desires over anyone and everyone else, including their spouses.
"How can I get it through my husband's stubborn head that this is not cool and that I am not "crazy" for reacting this way and wanting some answers?"
Here's the thing: he doesn't actually think you're crazy, he's just trying to convince you that you are so that you'll stop questioning your own judgment and leave him to continue his bad behavior in peace.
-
It's a bit presumptuous to say the LW has "disengaged from life"
[Read the article: I'm a busy single mom and I just don't want to date]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]"Getting hurt in life does not give you permission to disengage from life. Avoiding problems does not make them go away. Most healthy adults know this. I think your mom knows this, and I think you need to listen (with some balance and a sense of humor) to her wisdom."
I don't know where you're getting this idea that the LW is "disengaged from life," Laurel. She has a career she loves, friends, she enjoys her kids, volunteers, etc. -- but apparently none of this counts for you because she doesn't share it with a man. But so what? She sounds a lot more engaged with life than a lot of coupled people who seem to take the attitude that they don't need anything or anyone outside their own little twosomes.
And as other posters have noted, there seems to be an underlying assumption here that if you're single, you're "missing" something and/or something must be wrong with you. News flash: some people like being single. For some people, it's their preferred state. It doesn't make them defective and it doesn't mean they lead diminished lives.
And part of the concern from some of the posters seems to stem from a fear that LW won't be able to "get" a man when she's older, so she'd better snap one up now. In other words, go out of her way to disturb a life she's happy with now to spend time hunting for a man she doesn't particular want to head off being alone later, right? But finding someone now doesn't guarantee she won't be alone later, or maybe she won't want to be in a couple later, either. Is being happily single really such a difficult concept to grasp? And if she did force herself to date, how fair is that to the man involved -- who wants to be with someone who is only with you because that's what they think they're supposed to want, instead of what they actually want?
And then there are the kids. I think it's admirable that the LW makes them a priority in her life, rather than trying to fit them in around whatever guy she's dating. Speaking from experience, it's very difficult for kids to adjust to their parents dating and it can be really, really hard to deal with the new partners their parents may eventually choose. Why should the LW subject her kids to that when doesn't even want to be dating in the first place?
-
Just a note about adverse possession
[Read the article: I'm a condo parking-spot hoarder!]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]You'd want to check your state's laws, but adverse possession generally requires that the use be "hostile." Use with permission of the owner is not "hostile" (because it acknowledges the owner's rights in the property, I assume), so it can't result in adverse possession. I've put some thought into this because I am in the odd position of owning 1.5 parking spots, while my downstairs neighbor owns the other .5, plus another spot. They have 2 cars and I have 1, so I let them use my half-spot, but I checked the adverse possession statute first for exactly this reason.