Letters to the Editor
MacK..
Published Letters: 474 Editor's Choice: 48
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It's not just your own self-preservation
[Read the article: My brother is no good, and I've had enough!]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]You have your kids and your husband to care about.
You need to realize the risks you are taking -- you helped him rent a car .. in your name! an erratic, perhaps mentally ill, likely alcoholic, maybe drug abusing former (or current) felon. Why? You do know that you are responsible? What if he wrecks the car? What if he kills someone? What if he uses it to commit other crimes? The rental company or insurer would be fully justified for chasing you -- you realize that. Was he listed as a driver or are you the listed driver. Did you tell the rental company the truth -- the whole truth -- you know you did not, because if you had, he would not have got the car.
Why do you think he has two hours a day . . . that is pretty odd, few employers can find anyone useful for a 2-hour day ... it sounds like he has been fired. Why is your aunt kicking him out? Who talked her into taking him in at the beginning? You?
Your husband is upset ... I'd be beside myself. Not only that, if he went to a lawyer about this and said: "my wife is doing this . . . her brother comes first . . . it's a threat to the kids" you must realize he would have a fair case. He could ask for an order of protection against the brother and YOU! That is correct, if you are going as far as your letter suggests, your husband could seek an order controlling your access to YOUR kids and he might well get it (and most jurisdictions can supply such an order, in many cases kicking you out of the family home.) If you separate or divorce this situation would be strong grounds for him to receive custody. And I suspect you will receive little sympathy from your family or friends.
It's your brother (ultimately an adult responsible for himself) or your kids. If the advice to stop enabling is not penetrating, you need to get your head around what this could cost you, personally, and your kids. And you need to grasp something, your brother probably does not give a shit!
Meanwhile, if your husband is reading this, for the sake of the kids it's time to go see a lawyer -- maybe he already has.
All of this may seem harsh, but you seem totally clueless about the situation you are in. You seem unable to recognize that your brother is a user (who know why, the drugs, the alcohol, mental illness, just being "a shit," it does not matter) and that you seem to have "issues" that make you manipulable by him. But this has to end . . . and if you were to go see a lawyer right now, perhaps in response to your husband giving you papers, this is what the lawyer would tell you, because you cannot rescue clients from themselves.
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Nothing she said indicates he's a problem for or danger to the kids
[Read the article: My brother is no good, and I've had enough!]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]MacK made some really good points about the rental car - lot's of potential liability (not to mention that's an expensive way to provide a car!). But all the stuff about kids seems extreme. Nothing she said indicates he's a problem for or danger to the kids. If she _is_ leaving them with him for the weekend, she should stop, but she didn't say that. And she didn't say (as I recall) anything about violence.
You may be right, but reading between the lines he is present at her home a lot, is "around" a lot, and his problems likely include substance abuse. Moreover, he will shortly be looking to 'sis for a place to live -- and that really is a threat to the kids. As a kid, from time to time I had to deal with drunk substance abusers, not often . . . I also know kids who have had to deal with them. This is a threat, a safety issue and everything else. She needs to be aware, indulge him too much and she puts her marriage and custody of the children at risk -- the interests of 5 people, her, her two kids and her husband are wrapped up with his -- she need to reduce that to 4-people.
On the rental car, if she is paying for it, it means she put down her credit card and she is on the contract. Here is a tough issue, what happens when he does not return the car?