Growing up, my brothers and I had more and better arms than the entire South Vietnamese Army. You name it-- Mattel Fanner Fifty six-guns (shooting real plastic bullets! Can you spell product liability?) to Johnny Seven OMAs (short for One Man Army, a really bitchin' piece of hardware with 7, count 'em SEVEN, weapon systems rolled into one!)-- we had it. World War, cowboys and Indians (hey, it was the early 60s and none of us had ever heard of anything called political correctness), we played it all. Conflict resolution? POW! Resolved.

When I grew up and put away my childish things, did I seek a real world replacement? I did not, nor did my brothers. And when I had kids of my own, I bought them state of the art, battery operated, automatic squirt guns. We spent endless hours (and many, many batteries) chasing each other through the house and around the yard, plastering each other-- and occasional non-combatants like mom or the odd wandering cat who happened to wander briefly through our field of fire.

Eventually, my kids too grew up and put away their childish things. To date, none of them has evinced any interest in real world replacements, either. In fact, my two sons became Buddhists and my daughter is leaning that way.

Now, does this personal tale mean that all toy gun owners will become Buddhist pacifists? Of course not. But neither, apparently, will they become violence loving gun collectors. Or rather, the chance is that they could turn out one way or another. Or they could turn out to be something completely different, like hand wringing letter writers to Salon who worry that someone else is raising their kids with the wrong toys.

I know which ones scare me most...

1) Open-minded.

2) Flexibility (both moral and physical).

3) Spankability.

4) Finds any hint of power an aphrodisiac.

5) Attraction to flabby, older, generally white, males (okay, females too, provided the flabby old guy gets to watch).

Pirate patch underwear (I swear to God, that's how he described it) collection a plus.

Basically, he promised a gift to the insurance companies while saying as to exorbitant rates that, although he preferred a public option, any other solution might do.

Not that he'll fight for a public option, Not that it's necessary and vital to insure true reform. Not that he'll veto a bill without a robust public option. Just that he preferred one.

Well, great. My dog prefers that I feed him steak. But he'll eat whatever I put in his bowl. Pardon me if I expect a somewhat greater level of commitment from my President-- whom I gave my hard earned money to, campaigned for and cast my vote in favor of-- on an issue of such vital national (and humanitarian) importance.

About whatever silly-assed garments these whack jobs come up with? As long as they don't try to force some outlandish outfit on my daughter, let 'em work out in cast iron chastity suits, woolen blankets with eyeholes, or whatever other goofy apparel they can devise to conceal their undoubtedly irresistible bodies from the animal impulses and lust crazed gazes of we men.

At least, that's the way my imaginary, invisible creator told me to roll...

Take my Colgate, confiscate my Herbal Essence, pour out my Listerine. But stop making us take our shoes off, at least.

In the Democratic Party of the 21st Century, we beg, plead, implore, wheedle, whine, moan, beseech, entreat, supplicate, negotiate, and/or surrender.

We never, ever demand.

That's just TOO partisan!

I don't recall seeing Carter or Obama supporters brandishing pictures portraying the President as an African witch doctor.

Clearly, they were cleverly playing the race card by refraining from so doing!

Damn, you beat me to it!

Welcome to Bizarro-world, where the black president is racist and his incompetent predecessor was a master statesman who didn't almost steer the country off a cliff.

Bite me. If I had my way, you and every other fatcat would be right where you belong-- hanging upside down from a Wall Street lamp post.

Nobody put a gun to your heads and said loan me mortgage money at a rate I don't understand and with future payments that I won't be able to pay. To the contrary, when the financial tide was high, you couldn't walk two steps past a bank without being pummeled with loan offers. You sent them out in mass mailings, for the love of God!

Where you find the temerity to blame your own purposely Byzantine lending practices on the folks you duped into borrowing is simply beyond me. Particularly when it's the tax dollars of those selfsame victims that are helping to pull you back from the precipice of financial ruin over which you "geniuses" were preparing to drive yourselves and, ultimately, the world.

In conclusion, at the risk of sounding repetitive, bite me.

Sincerely,

A US Taxpayer

Sleep with Stephanie and then not call her?

I can think of few other reasons for such visceral, palpable hatred.

Never met an issue he wouldn't capitulate on or a controversy he wouldn't run from. Why this spineless numbnut got elected majority leader-- and why he remains so, despite a record of delusional appeasement to rival Neville Chamberlain's-- is beyond all understanding.

If you rape a child, plead guilty, leave the country to evade the sentence for your crime, stay gone long enough AND make some great movies, then you should be forgiven for your earlier misdeeds.

Catholicism and the movie industry, both now offering absolution at a location near you.

Project much?

Means a better crop of wage slaves to pick and choose from.

USA! USA! USA!

Why do I suspect an upcoming repetition of earlier stimuli/bailouts-- with more billions being funneled to corporations who don't need the money so that they can acquire less fortunate corporations and pay out millions in executive compensation-- to the further detriment of the American worker and the American middle class?

Because THAT'S the modern American way!

USA! USA! USA!