1. Liked the article. Well written, well sourced.

2. But - question the premise that it is better to be killed for crack addiction than for money for jewelry. Mainly because this suggests that there are "better reasons" to be killed than others.

Was reading a book lately where author said something to the effect that "most people who get murdered tend to have enemies." Will admit, this seems like a "better reason" to get killed than most others. (Although personally thought "most people who get murdered tend to die at hands of family or significant others" might be more accurate.)

But aside from that, do we want to start quantifying reasons as "better" or "worse" when it comes to murder?

In Seattle, in last five months, have had:

- 6 people shot (and several others wounded) because someone was offended that people had sex after concerts.

- 1 person shot (and several others wounded) because Israel and Hezbolla were fighting.

- 3 people (including 3 year old boy) slashed to death and set on fire because...someone was drunk. No other reason, apparently, didn't even really know these neighbors, just "was drunk".

If "being murdered for crack" is better than "being murdered for money for jewelry", then where does being murdered "because people shouldn't watch the news" or "people shouldn't drink" or "people should stop caring about people having sex after concerts", or maybe just "general failure of mental health system" fall in the continuum?

Do we really want to start quantifying reasons for murder as better or worse?

(Note: Know that author was using his experience to argue for funding of very useful programs for poor city young. Agree with that idea - programs should be funded again. But am queasy about the better or worse argument.)

I’ve been reading these letters with some surprise, especially the ones condemning the LW as a demon from Hell, who should be aborting her demon seed and getting herself off to a nunnery for the rest of her days.

Can I offer a different scenario? It’s not mentioned in the letter, but then it probably wouldn’t be.

Alcohol.

I’m willing to bet that LW was drunk when she slept with the ex, and probably drunk up until she realized she was pregnant. Then the drinking stopped. (Why stopped? Because suddenly her relationship with her husband got much better. I’m told it’s amazing how much more reasonable everyone is when you aren’t drunk.)

Does she make a little more sense to you now? Not a “demon-from-Hell”, but a person like someone we probably all know, someone who drinks a little too much (a LOT too much), who skids through life doing the most bizarre and irresponsible things, because they are never really sober long enough to think about what they’re doing?

Is it more likely that she is a psychopathic demon-from-Hell, or that she’s a drunk (or addict) who has sobered up because she got pregnant/hit bottom? What is more reasonable, given your life experience?

Personally, I haven’t met too many real demons-from-Hell – but I’ve sure met a lot of drunks and addicts.

I’m not defending her actions. Adultery is very bad. She needs to tell her husband. (BTW I agree with the poster who pointed out that it isn’t certain that the ex is the father. Her husband could still be the father. Stranger things have happened.) She also needs to be careful about how she does it, because there is a real possiblity that this conversation could go badly wrong. (Translation for those of you who dislike her: it's not going to make the husband's life any better if he goes to prison for harming her.)

But I do wish her well, because she’s trying to decide how best to fix the things she’s done. She’s showing some responsibility. Belated, true - but she is trying. And that should be encouraged.

Just a clarification.

Not all fetish videos are pornography, as that term is usually defined. Google "video" "smoking fetish", for an example. Many of those seem to involve fully dressed smokers.

I mention this because the LW says the video would involve no nudity on her part.

That being said, I think Cary and the previous poster are right. LW, you really probably don't want to have people recognizing you in future years from "that video". And it could possibly hurt your career in academia. You don't want to miss out on plum teaching assignments because the administration thinks you might be a controversial choice.

Talk to the university of your choice about funding options. There's a lot of funding out there. Good luck with the PhD.

Consider joining a writers group.

The deadlines will get you writing again. Month after month, you will be seeing people who know you want to write and believe in you. It's both an encouragement and a goad.

It will to help you to put words on paper and the feedback will ensure that they are good quality. (Although, since your first novel was positively recieved, you probably don't need to worry about that so much.)

Good luck!