I'm betting the first time the Republicans will allow the word "Recession" to escape their lips will be about a year from now, when a Democrat is sworn into the presidency.

Until that day, the official story, as uttered by George Bush today, is that the economy is fundamentally as strong as Hercules, you betcha! The story will be strong, strength, vibrant and healthy, just needs a breather a little bit, a very slight nudge, hardly more than a jumbo jet needs the barest puff of wind to stay afloat, and then the new administration will come in and the tale will be doom and gloom and how liberal policies, even the middle of the road barely liberal at all policies of the current front runners, just don't work. They will repeat this story forever, into eternity. It will never stop.

This is an environmental horror story based on the story of a couple of days ago in which George Bush gave the Navy the full speed ahead on blasting the hell out of whale and dolphin eardrums using ultra-sonar waves. So now it's "Fuck you, whales!" and the Navy drives all the whales insane, and they all beach themselves and die, but, well, fuck 'em, just fuck 'em all. And that's the official line as they continue their tests.

But then the ultimate sea beastie, who has also been driven insane by the tests, finally surfaces, going Raawwwrraoooorrrr! Which roughly translates as "Fuck me? Fuck you!!!! Whatcha think about that?" Buildings topple, everything is blowing up. And then all the people are crying and dying and talking about how innocent they are and how they don't deserve it, and how terrible it all is that one species seems to be so dedicated to wiping out another species, and how it's so unfair and everything.

That's what Cloverfield is about. I haven't seen it, and should therefor not be entitled to utter an opinion about it, but that's my theory about Cloverfield, and I'm sticking with it.

Chicago was eaten by giant grasshoppers in the 1957 film "Beginning of the End." Some of the best effects shots ever, in any movie. Grasshoppers crawl on top of a picture of the Chicago skyline, so it sounds funny. But I wouldn't want to be chewed up by a grasshopper, would you? Icck, no.

Next Week's "Adventure"

Joe: Kansas, did you ever hear of the Danvers Lunatic Asylym?

Kansas: The what? You mean the Asylum?

Joe: That's what I said, the asylim.

Kansas: There, you did it again. Only different this time.

Joe: Different what? What are you talking about?

Kansas: You keep misspelling "Asylum."

Joe: I'm not spelling it at all, I'm just saying, "Have you ever heard of the Danvers Lunatic Assylum?

Kansas: There! You did it again?

Joe: What are you talking about? Words are only how you pronounce them. They don't have a spelling.

Kansas reaches up and grabs a word balloon.

Kansas: Look, it's right here. Asylym. You spelled it wrong!

Danvers enters, dressed in a space suit, and wielding a ray gun.

Danvers: Drop the balloon, O'Flaherty. You're coming with me to my base on the moon.

It's important that all sides are heard from, and there is no substantive difference between Nate's opinion, and any other opinion based on fact.

Or something like that.

KOF is like a jigsaw puzzle where the pieces are all plain white circles.

Or, it could be like an old joke we used to pull in high school: take a small sheet of paper and write the words "How do you keep a moron in suspense? (turn page over)" on the other side of the paper, you write the exact same thing.

The Lovecraft idea suggested earlier has merit, too. Or perhaps the solution would come if Toni and Tom just showed a little more love of their craft. That was a pun, based on Lovecraft.

But seriously, it's difficult not think, at this point, that the whole thing is just a giant experiment with audience psychology.

Some of us have to put our differences aside already because our guy has already been driven out of the race. Well I'm not going to take it, I tell you. If I can't vote for a liberal democrat, I'm going to vote for the most far right Republican I can before I'll even think of voting for some middle of the road Democrat.

I'm going to do this because I'm just that petulant.

I saw the trailer for this film today and thought, "Oh my God, that looks terrible" for many of the reasons mentioned.

But then I saw a trailer for a movie that was even worse. It was called "Definitely, Maybe" and was about a young girl trying to get her dead to tell her the story of how he met her mom —Aaaggggggghhhh!

Sorry, just had a brief flashback. Anyway, horrible. The characters do not converse; they make witty-seeming chirpy noises, which are not internalized in any way by the other person who responds with some faux-bright chirpy noise of their own. It is in no way to be confused with dialogue. Oh my God, the flashbacks keep coming. I can't go on. Google the trailer yourself... but don't. I would spare you the agony. But trust me: in a couple of weeks the subhead will read "What's the worst romantic comedy ever? Definitely, Maybe."

Someone else mentioned Kansas O'Flaherty. This one strip is a perfect illustration of why KOF sucks so completely. In just a few panels, Bolling creates a brilliant allegory of the mysteries of why bad things happen to people in a world that is supposedly ruled by a loving and merciful god. It has a several solid chuckles and concludes with two solid punchlines. "Don't worry, chum, it's all part of my plan." Hilarious.

Too bad the letter's stream turned into a referendum on Bebop-o.

Go Bolling! Go away KOF!