Letters to the Editor
MXC 100*193
Published Letters: 39 Editor's Choice: 5
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No ambivalence necessary!
[Read the article: My half-brother locked me in the closet and I think I'm to blame]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]It's very odd, and very sad that you never thought to tell your parents about what was happening. Most young kids realise that being tied up, locked away, and threatened is scary and wrong, and who do they automatically run to for help? Their protectors, the parents. But you didn't; for some reason you couldn't feel or trust that nurturing, protecting instinct coming from them. And then you say they were great. Hmm. Does not quite compute. Something's a bit off there.
No sexual abuse, you say, but there are different ways to violate, and you, as a little human being, were definitely violated in several different ways. That will have all sorts of fall-out, including what seems like your skewed perceptions of your 'complicity'. I understand your ambivalence about your feelings, and why you say you don't want to see your brother as a monster. Things that happen unseen in families are just about the most fucked up and confusing things to figure out. There are so many issues that cloud everything.
Just accept that at a very vulnerable age, you were violated, and no-one helped you. You could use some therapy to work through all this, otherwise this is going to jinx your life, in one way or another. Why let it?
Lots of love to you!
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karma at the kitchen sink
[Read the article: Have I ruined my karma by sleeping with prostitutes?]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]Hi Mr LW,
I'm sorry for your predicament, and that you're really suffering right now. However, you need to get over yourself, and start to figure out more creative ways of dealing with your situation.
I'm sure karma does exist, but the way it operates is pretty subtle and unexpected. Just because you think this is retribution, doesn't mean it is. But it also doesn't mean you'll escape the consequences of your actions, in one way or another. You come across to me like a hardened, coarse sort of guy, the sort whose wife I'd feel really sorry for. You could use a bit of good karmic balancing (hah! couldn't we all-specially me!)
To make reparations for the karma of sleeping with prostitutes, how about volunteering a couple of hours after work with vulnerable drug addicted people - the sort who may otherwise turn to prostitution to fund their habit? Provided you know that you'd be trustworthy enough to be around them, of course. Or it could just be any volunteer position that you do to make amends to the universe. And how about making amends to your wife? Not by a confession, but by treating her with respect and love and patience and fulfilling some of her desires and needs. Like cooking her lovely meals, or whatever it is that you're capable of that she would appreciate.
Sometimes if you keep coming up against a brick wall, (like with your job applications) then maybe you need to disengage for a while and just accept the situation while you look for some other way to expand your horizons. Keep looking, scan the local paper for opportunities or meetings or whatever, to do something interesting and worthwhile. And sometimes suffering is part of the path. It can help, like Cary says, to bring you to a place of humility, and the different perspective that goes with that. Suffering can bring you to your senses.
Having said that, if you keep on crying a lot and are really down, you may want to temporarily try anti-depressants to get the energy and perspective to see things in a new light, and help you move forward. Prozac was a God-send to me once.
wish you (and your wife!) good luck!