Dear wants love to be enough,

Love is enough.

+++++

As far as her wanting to own a home and drive a nicer car: why doesn't she buy herself a home and a nicer car? I myself was able to purchase a small 1 bdrm. condo w/ only 5K down when I was 27. There are a lot of programs for single women, first time homebuyers! Programs that offer mortgages w/ low interest rates and affordable downpayments. The only deal is it has to be your primary resident for the first 2 years. Easy peasy! I also purchased a brand new 4 wheel drive SUV (I live way up north where this kind of vehicle is really needed) and just refinanced it at a 6% interest rate (down from 11% when I bought it 4 yrs. ago).

I have a mortgage, condo dues, car payment, plus insurance-utilities-gas, etc. and it IS DOABLE. Even on a single income, as a single woman, where I actually make a lower wage than my male associates. I make ends meet.

The fact that she's waiting for you to provide all this to her bewilders me. She needs to get a clue and stop living in the 1950's.

+++++

As far as her criticism of you: get a backbone. Don't let anyone, ever, put you down and diminish your life's work and goals. Not even your wife. And certianly not your girlfriend. You don't have to yell, or fight. Just walk away. Refuse to be yelled at, reject her disrespect towards you. Continue w/ your plans, continue on your path. Don't be distracted and stressed out by one person in this world who is supposed to be your rock, your support system.

The future is looking bright, dude.

"More important, note that LW is still in college, which is not only an expensive proposition but also limits how much he can earn. Could *you* afford college on what you earn?"

What are you talking about? I didn't suggest to LW to buy a home while he is still in college, I suggested his girlfriend buy herself a home. And actually, I only afforded a 2 yr. technical college degree by waiting tables, serving drinks and taking out loans, which I am now paying off w/ what I earn. You're talking to me as if I'm living some kind of priviledged life.

And thanks for your other savvy, street wise advise about real estate and cost of living projections, but housing prices in in my city are much higher than in the lower 48, w/ the exception of the Bay Area. Which is why I cannot afford a "nice, middle class life" and could only finance a small, 600 sq.ft. 1 bdrm. flat.

If I can do it on my own, anyone can.

Cheers

Good advice from Cary. I like how he never attacks the letter writer. Unlike the people who normally comment on here.

But I agree w/ the sentiment re: the ex. Let him go. It's understandable to want a new kind of relationship w/ him, a friendship. 23 yrs. is a long time and it probably hurts like hell that he wants nothing to do w/ you.

People come into and out of our lives. I've found that letting people go lessens anxiety and sadness, instead of increasing it. Truly. Forgive yourself and others, let go of the past. You might be impressed w/ how strong you can be.

I think you will find true happiness if you focus on being a good grandmother. Which includes continuing to be there for your daughter, accepting that she may never forgive you, instead of being flippant about her residual resentment.

And follow Cary's advice about the pot. He sounds like he knows what he's talking about.

Maybe you think Guy No. 1 is humorless because you don't get his sense of humor.

I think most people are too busy thinking about themselves to spend too much time thinking about you. Friending them or not friending them, I highly doubt they'll really care. YOU seem to really care, a lot. So, maybe you should deny the friend request and ...move on.

Haven't had a chance to read all the letters but they look like they're full of good advise, encouragement, and 'been there done that, got the t-shirt'.

Me too. Twice. It sucks every kind of balls ever. It feels like someone is ripping your heart out through your throat w/ barbed wire. Resist the urge to let this capsize you and sink into the depths of depression. Keep your head above water long enough to make it to shore.

You will get over it! You will be happy again! You will think back on him and go "W.T.F.". This guy is a douchebag in a sea of douchebags, sister. Next!

+++

Oh, and invest in the Hitachi Magic Wand. It will help you resist to urge to sleep w/ unworthy men just to get high. (God bless the Japanese).

[Although "Shopaholic" is targeted at women, it also seems to have a remarkable contempt for its female characters] Wow, I am so surprised that salon.com found an anti-feminist theme to yet another film. Yawn.

I love love love Isla Fisher and will pay movie theatre prices to see her films. This movie looks cute. I don't get the criticism here really. It's an empty comedy about unrealistic circumstances. Um, yeah. Exactly.

(Fisher was awesome in The Lookout)