Letters to the Editor
timbuktom
Published Letters: 2502 Editor's Choice: 141
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Most Boring Jokes
[Read the article: King Kaufman's Sports Daily]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]Americans used to say that the most boring person on earth was an ex-US Marine, Notre Dame graduate, who ran, and talked about running.
But then, the University of Michigan aspired to be "The New Notre Dame," just with niftier helmets...
And now (this weekend!) Michigan matches up with ND as a very boring, old-school operation. Ann Arbor is a leading 21st-century town, but the football team is pure 1890. The Wolverines do not get it. This season, they have started to pay the price, and to show the results.
Like the end of the Ottoman Empire, like the rotten end of the USSR. Michigan football is bankrupt and impotent. Big Ten probably is the same, so do not judge Michigan on its conference record (as if Nevada beat the rest of the desert states in Yachting). Five years minimum until they come back in any meaningful way.
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JIVE with the facts, not GIBE
[Read the article: The real reason Bush is withdrawing troops from Iraq]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]And, if you meant GIBE (which you did not), you should have written GYBE. Know your metaphors, or do not write them. And do not waste our time with obvious articles.
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Breaking News! O.J. Arrested Again!
[Read the article: King Kaufman's Sports Daily]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]The Las Vegas Police detained, questioned, and released O.J. Simpson last night or this morning, in connection with a casino break-in involving sports memorabilia.
Details are sketchy and weird, including a missed court appearance in Florida, and O.J.'s daughter's bankruptcy.
Can anybody shed any light?
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Recent American History
[Read the article: One iPhone to rule them all]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]This sort of factory job is one sort of job that twit G.W. Bush talks about when he talks about, "the jobs Americans don't want to do."
BUT! It also is the sort of job everybody says America has lost, the sort of job that built the American Middle Class (tm), just what we need back here in the Rust Belt, and so on, and so on.
Hey Apple! Come to Detroit, please. Take over any of many empty-but-in-good-shape factories. Hire some Detroiters, and buy some robots. We will build your i-Gizmos, with fewer employees, better working conditions, decent benefits, at lower cost. Try it. Just try it.
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O.J.'s in jail, and all's right with the world!
[Read the article: King Kaufman's Sports Daily]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]Great to have the murderer behind bars! I hope they find reasons to keep him there.
Where is Thr***er? Would he not have some nonsensical, non-grammatical defense?
If you were not dim-witted, you never would have acquitted!
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Democrats Only A Hair's Breadth From Presidency
[Read the article: So long, white boy]
[Read more letters about this article: Here](Serious:) If John Edwards got himself a simple short haircut, a longish version of a buzz-cut, most of the Bubbas would vote for him, because of his "American" hair and his legitimate Southern accent.
And many of the rest of us would vote for him, because of his message, his experience, and his potential.
A short-haired John Edwards would win, especially against shiny-haired fancy-top Mitt Romney. No other Democrat has much of a chance.
Let's stop all this philosophy and get back to basics such as hair. The real Bubba NASCAR guys hate philosophy, but they would respond to a nice longish buzz-cut and a comfortable accent.
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Do Not MIsunder-Revise History
[Read the article: Invasion Greenspan]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]When Greenspan spoke correctly about, "Irrational Exuberance," almost nobody took him seriously, and the Tech Stock Bubble went on for more years.
Do not say that Greenspan never warned, or that he caused all your problems. If we have to have Republicans, I will take Greenspan over the rest.
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The Vision Thing
[Read the article: Breaking the Iraq stalemate]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]Now, some Democratic challenger should start to talk Vision.
Most Americans, by far, envision an end to Iraq, within a year or so. So, please describe that vision, with specific details. For contrast, point out W. Bush's vision: Endless engagement in Iraq.
And describe the better vision again. People will vote for you. Please e-mail me if you need details.
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The Right To Bear Arms!
[Read the article: Guns, not roses, for Iraq]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]You Liberals just don't get it! When every little kid and granny in Eye-Rack gets his and her own assault rifle and/or Glock Automatic, hostilities will cease.
Insurgents will stop attacking, because they will know that every decent God-Fearing, freedom-loving ordinary Iraqi has a gun, and can shoot back. I long for the day when our own Homeland adopts this enlightened policy, in accord with the clear intent of our Foundling Fathers!
In the meantime, though, don't come a-pokin' around my obsessively well-mown, attack-dog guarded little piece of Homeland, down here in the benighted middle of the Homeland. 'Cause I got guns, and I know how to use them. Amen!
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Oh fer cryin out loud, you are forty-four years old!
[Read the article: Should I tell my new man that I used to date women?]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]Don't you know that he also has things he is not telling you?
This business about telling is a 22-year-old thing, maximum. After that, if you have any passion at all, there always is too much to tell, even if telling were a good thing. And it usually is not good.
I have been extremely lucky, lucky enough to fall in love with a couple women who loved me back... And they also told me that I was a good lover, and made me feel like a king.
After they complimented me in this way, I would have listened to anything they wanted to tell me about their pasts. And, I listened. And it did not bother me, because I already was The King.
So, if you insist on telling (not recommended), do this sort of prep work, and make the guy feel like the king first. If you do it right, you can tell anything. You even can make up crazy stuff, as long as he is The King.
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AAAAA-ROOOOOOO!!!!!!!
[Read the article: WayLay]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]This cartoon is life and love. If we have to explain it, you never will get it. (Louis Armstrong said that about Jazz.)
By all the stars in heaven and the full moon above, Virginia, there IS a punchline! It lives and breathes in all of us, except the person who asked about the punchline.
Yip-Yip-YAR-OOOOOOOOO!