Stan Papi will rise from his rocking chair, and propel the BoSox! If you are too young to understand this reference, that's a good thing. Stan Papi and I are getting old.

P.S. "junior413 Actually if we had 9 fingers we would be anticipating homerun number 600.

Really? Why?"

One Answer: 600 divided by 9 (in base 10) = 66.6666666..., the Number Of The Beast!

This thing hit MidAmerica exactly three years ago. We sold our house in Grand Rapids for what it was appraised at, exactly three years ago. We were somewhat disappointed in the appraisal, but now we are ecstatic.

A guy bought our house. And we are free and clear. But the house directly across the street, which had been the object of some re-finance finagilling/appraisal inflation.... That house still is for sale, three years later, with no offers.

If we had waited a couple more months, our house would not have sold. And I would be driving back there every week, fixing toilets for renters, and losing money. The guy who bought our house... God bless him.

This is NOT a sub-prime situation. It is a disaster. God bless the guy who bought our house. (Do you notice how people who have no house to sell say, "House," but people who have a house to sell say, "Home?"

Now, before their terms expire. I do not understand exactly why Tio Torture Gonzales must stay in office. W. Bush could accept his resignation and then commute or pardon.

Does not matter. Please just keep after these guys.

I hate it when relief pitchers let inherited runners score! For cryin out loud (tm), the relief pitchers' job is to prevent those guys from scoring!

SO! My proposed new stat idea is to charge relievers half a run when they allow inherited runners to score, and to charge the earlier pitchers who put on the baserunners that other half-run.

We might wind up with half-losses in the overall stats. But we already have half-games in the standings, so, what the heck?

I got an e-mail very much like this, but even more preposterous. The guy wanted me to set up a Precinct Office, made ridiculous promises, told obvious lies. It came from the John McCain presidential campaign.

Average less than three years per place, longest actual stay in one place = eight years.

Big city, small town, suburban, rural, lakeside, other... Midwest, East Coast, and England.

Best two places to live in the USA (tied): Manhattan and Grand Haven, Michigan.

Surprisingly nice place to live, including fantastic neighbors: Downtown Detroit.

He is a musician. So am I. Real musicians are raggedy-butts who never expect to get anywhere other than Beatle Heaven. Real musicians make the choice to fail somewhere in their late twenties. And G.K. made that choice.

Now he has succeeded, but he can't believe it. He knows darn well that he is good, but also that he is not great, not really even good enough to sing with those great (still poor) musicians who appear on his radio show and let him sing along.

You know what? Even Aretha Franklin and Mozart feel that same way. They never really can believe it. George Harrison was an electrician, just in case.

AND! There is a lot of drudgery in music and radio and writing. There even is a great deal of drudgery in being Steven Spielberg or Garrison Keillor. It's true. If you make it, you make it, but do not start using your own self as some Great Example. You are a fluke, and you often feel like a fraud.

If there is any straight message in G. Keillor's essay, that's the message. But, Holy Batman, Batman! This piece of writing is entertaining and wise. Cool it with the simple-mided stuff.

King Kaufman's favorite player (and mine), Neifi Perez, just tested positive again for illicit drugs. And he has been suspended for eighty more games.

Here's the interesting part: Neifi already was serving (currently is serving) a twenty-five-game suspension for his last drug test. They tested him while he was on suspension, and he was doped-up again!

New Baseball Stat: How many times Neifi has been spotted rolling in the gutter outside your home ballpark divided by how many total utility infielders you have on your home team's roster.

That the NGDI, Neifi Gutter Dope Indicator. A positive reading indicates that you should throw Neifi a quarter, but not make eye contact.

...Please remind us what that Neifi Index Stat is. We need to know whether to bet our ranches on the Tigers.