Do you remember how David Letterman and most other Americans made fun of Vice President Dan Quayle when he spoke about Murphy Brown, a TV character played by Candice Bergen?

"Mr. Vice President, Murphy Brown is a fictional character! Ha-Ha-Ha-Ha!"

Now Scalia cites Jack Bauer, and people take him seriously.

Note that fictional Jack Bauer tortures fictional evil people when he already knows those people have major evil information. Scalia's real pals, on the other hand, will torture just about anybody, anytime, for any reason or no real reason.

Jack Bauer does not exist. The world of Jack Bauer does not exist either. Nor, maybe, does the United States of America exist anymore.

Even in "The Great Heyday (Hayday?) of the Recording Industry," very few musicians had recording contracts, and only a tiny number made a good living making records.

It is wrong to say that musicians somehow have been hurt by the collapse of the recording industry. The industry was not helping them anyway.

Musicians are better off now that they can make their own records and control their own careers. Probably more musicians will be able to "make it." It still will be a small proportion of the huge musician population, but conditions are much better now.

Your daughter has musical talent. And she has learned piano technique. Now, get somebody to explain theory to her. It is not hard. It is simple and logical.

For me, a one-semester class at a community college was enough. And it opened up the whole universe of music. But I did not do it until I was in my thirties. I wish I had done it in my teens, right after I got sort-of-good on my instruments.

Is your daughter mature enough to do a community college course? She might think it would be extremely cool, and grown-up, and real-world-ish. If not, maybe one of her high scjool music teachers would teach her, outside of class.

The piano is a basic tool. She has learned the basics. Theory will give her a way to use that tool. Maybe she will want to go back and learn advanced piano technique later.

But she always will be able to find great pianists out there, if she needs them for her music. If she learns the theory, and can communicate basically on a piano, she will have no real limits, and she will have a really great time.

Just this evening, W. Bush announced that he may close the Guantanamo Bay Torture Dungeon. Hooray!

So, I just wrote to my Senator Levin, and asked him to propose legislation to demolish that part of the Guantanamo Navy Base. I hope we will blow it up in spectacular fashion. That would send a good message.

However, it occurs to me that we will need to go through the whole place first, to look for evidence against W. Bush, Cheney, Rumsfield, their Torture Genarals, and the rest.

Cary gave good advice, but too much advice. The best place to sing is in church. If you do not belong to a church, even if you do not believe in God, join a church in order to sing in the choir. That is easy.

Churches welcome good singers, and they tolerate all levels of experience and expertise. And you will have fun. Probably Thursday night rehearsals and Sunday morning performances. Everybody in the church choir has at least one kid and at least one TIVO-ing spouse.

From the way you write, I guess that you have zero experience. Did God give you a good voice? If not, you can go to any local karaoke place, and sing to your heart's content. Karaoke tolerates, even applauds, bad voices. Most of the audience, even most of the other singers, cannot tell good singing from bad singing.

If you are any good at all, go to a local place that has sit-in nights or jam nights. Sing there, and listen to the other singers. Evaluate yourself. Note whether the good musicians at the jam session ask you to come to their gigs or join their bands.

As Cary said, putting and keeping an act together is hard. But these first steps are easy, even if you have seven little kids. And they are fun. Do not bewail your fate. Just sing.

I have met several people who loved some favorite bands, and said they wanted to sing. But when I gave them chances to sing with real musicians, they did not even know the words. If you are a singer, sing.

And she is addicted to them too (Milk Bone Brand, Small). Dog Biscuits are her Holy Eucharist. She is the Pope of Dog Bicuits.

W. Bush may be just as fervently sincere as my dear Beagle, and he is just as shallow. It is a crying shame that W. Bush picked a heretical simple-minded, brutal backwoods, backwards distortion of Christianity.

I wish he were sincerely devoted to dog biscuits instead. They taste like dirt, but they never have killed anybody. Nobody ever has started a dog biscuit war. Nobody ever has been tortured over dog biscuits.

Keep it in mothballs until W. Bush and Cheney and Tio Torture leave office. We need a place to send them and their brutal pals.

If we can figure out what Scooter was up to, what he was trying to hide... If Scooter lets a few hints slip, we may be able to nail Cheney.

Cursed are the bullshitters, for they shall eat shit and die.

These posts remind us of six years of Cheney breaking the law. We just need a few hints from Scooter or anybody, and we can charge Cheney with an actual arrestable crime.

Keep up the pressure, Congress and Salon and America! We just need a few specifics, and we can impeach Cheney.