Letters to the Editor
helm2lee
Published Letters: 24 Editor's Choice: 2
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As Nike says, JUST DO IT!
[Read the article: Take my virginity -- please!]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]Heinlein called virginity a correctable perversity of no importance. I have a sneaking suspicion that you want your first time to be super-special, so you take a long time to set things up, get just the right guy and the right moment, then mention "offhand" that you're still a virgin. He might be picking up a vibe that scares him off.
This is the solution to your problem, in all seriousness: go to the nearest university electrical engineering or computer science department, find a nice geek, and take him home. It will be without question the most spectacular thing to ever happen to him. Tell him you're a virgin, and that you need his help getting through this first time. Geeks are very practical, and he will be glad to solve your technical problem. In fact, you might lure him home first by asking him to look at a PC problem; by the time you're showing him your appreciation, he'll be powerless to resist.
I often wished such an angel of mercy would come to me when I was in college and frustrated. My college was 70/30 male, so those of us in the mid-low attractiveness range had a few dates but little real action. I had to wait until I was 22 to lose my virginity, with an older (gorgeous) woman just getting a divorce. I didn't tell her she was my first, but she got a heck of a lot of effective personal attention (I had read Masters & Johnson, and couldn't wait to apply the theory). So we both won. (She later lured me back by asking if I could help set up her new stereo -- it worked great!)
Failing that, don't you have a close, unattached male friend? Just tell him that you're not looking for a soul mate, but are eager to find out about the mystery of sex, and trust him to guide you through. Sex can be friendly. If I weren't married, I'd volunteer :-)
M. Helm
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It won't get better
[Read the article: My wife-to-be attacks me with her fists]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]Never mind that you're physically far more powerful than your fiancee: she obviously wants to be the dominant partner in the marriage, and she is obviously succeeding. Case in point: what do you do when you're feeling trapped and need to escape? You don't head out to a movie or the gym or to the bar with your friends, because *she wants you at home*! She doesn't want you hanging out with your friends, and doesn't want you enjoying yourself away from her.
Instead, you do dishes and laundry. You hope that, by voluntarily doing more than your share of the domestic chores, she will be grateful and ease up on you. You are also striving to find something positive, to offset the negative atmosphere she is generating. I'll bet that she bitches about what a mess the house is in, right? Maybe even earlier that evening.
It REALLY disturbs me that she blames you for her hateful actions, even while apologizing. That's an abuser's apology.
"Sulky and stubborn" don't sound like your words, either -- is that how she describes you when you are hurt and need distance?
You need to decide whether you want to live like this for the rest of your life, or at least your marriage. You're a grown man, and deserve respect as well as love. So it's only happened a few times? But this is when she's still trying to convince you that she's your soul mate! Imagine this happening ten times as often. Imagine having kids with her -- how much harder will it be to get loose if you're worried about what she will do to them?
Maybe you're afraid to break her heart by leaving. Maybe you think you can fix her, or make her happy after her abusive childhood. But this isn't a social project -- it's your life! Imagine packing your bags and walking out -- if some part of your mind feels lighter, liberated, at the thought, then you've waited too long already.
Helm
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LW could be Elaine!
[Read the article: During the blizzard, I refused to shelter my friend]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]LW could be one of the main four characters in Seinfeld. They were friends in name, but totally self-absorbed, and the plight of others would rouse mainly feelings of irritation in them. Their comeuppance in the final episode was poetic justice! LW should think twice about whether (s)he wants to be cast in that role.
... unless there is another subtext which I haven't seen touched on in the replies (haven't read them all), which is that her male friend was a former lover or aspiring suitor. That would go a distance toward explaining why he would impose on this particular friend, disrupting her day with her lover, when he presumably had friends who were closer (in all senses).
Said friend does seem whiny. It's not like LW's was the last warm shack in the Yukon. He was in the city; he could have grabbed a book and nabbed a table at Starbucks, gone to museums, gone to church (they take in indigents), etc.
Helm
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How was her identity exposed?
[Read the article: Stranger than science fiction]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]I heard that some fans found out what her post office box number was, and staked it out until they saw her come in and take mail from that box. Is that true? (maybe I should read the book :-)
Helm
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Post her entire letter!
[Read the article: Why won't my friends just shut up and let me die?]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]Hey Cary, what's the deal? You're not restricted to six inches/one column of newsprint, nor are your readers connecting with a 300 baud modem (I hope!) A thousand words or two thousand, who cares in 2006? But don't tell us what a fabulous letter this *used* to be before editing. You could have preceded it with a "Forgive the length, but it's worth it" message.
Re: the subject of the letter -- every competent adult has the right to determine their own fate, and their friends should respect that decision. But LW's follow-up does reveal a flaw in her premise -- the cause was NOT hopeless, there WAS something worth fighting for. Her decision, but I hope she soldiers on.
Cheers,
Helm