When I was at my worst, an active heroin addict living out of my car, I had a chat with my cousin, a doctor. I was choosing, in many ways to sabotage my happiness in life. (Or rather my contentment, because, like sadness, happiness is an extreme, and we cannot walk around in a state of scited happiness all the time.) And yes, I spent 8 years on the couch with a good therapist. The chosing of the right person is as important as choosing a life partner. this is where you learn to choose the good choices and retool yourself to live a different type of life. My Dad died when I was four, and I looked for him in other people too. but I had to relaize I simply was never going to have a father, (but knowing what I missed, I am now able to give to another, what I never had, and proudly do it well.)

Back to my cousin. (Sorry, I go off on tangents like Cary sometimes will.) He told me quite simply that I can choose to wake up each day and see the good things in my life, instead of concentrating on the bad. It sounds like you have finally identified your unhappiness, but Cary is right, you need a pro to help you find where this came from so you can get past it. Don't expect to change overnight, but take baby steps and you look back every 6 months to see you are making progress. Then you wake up in a couple of years to find you ARE a radically different person and you smile at yourself in the mirror in the morning, and you seek to help others because you feel so different and the helping others makes you feel good too.

Cary is also right that you cannot be happy with another person, (or especially be responsible for another life, You can always adopt later. I have., until you can be truly happy lone. Get rid of this boyfriend. The porn isn't the problem, unless it is a true addiction. The problem is you're both settling and both disinterested in your emotional lives. You intrinsicly want more than this. you first need to seek out yourself, with professional help and see where you need to go until you wake up in the morning and smile at yourself in the mirror. You, anyone, can do this. Good luck LW.

I agree that a breat without a nipple is like a face without eyebrows,...at least visually. I'm a normal guy, (if a bit hairy), powerful, played football am a "manly tradesman" with strong muscles, etc. But my dad passed on a gene to me for Gynecomastia, or male breasts. It was just as devastating for me to take off my shirt at the pool, go to the gym to work out and have muscles all over, but "too many muscles" in the wrong spot.

It has "thrown a wet blanket on that moment" just as mentioned in the article. I've had women stop dating me because of it. In today's mad men media run society, many women are just as guilty as men are of being visual creatures.

Yes, I did finally meet a wonderful Mrs. Right who ignores them and tells me how sexy I am all the time, but I still catch an occasional glance of "Wow! How did they get there?"

So stop it with the put down of most men. That divide goes right down the middle of both sexes these days and the sexes, like the political parties, become more and more alike. The men more sensitive than ever and the women more masculine in sating their desires and wants in life than ever.

I did get to a point of not caring and have been baring all, even at a high end hotel at Key West last year, despite the looks and jokey asides and whispers. It's all about who you surround yourself with and finding the right person. If your partner is immature and only cares about the visual, it can be of either sex these days. so please stop with the poor me one day and the "I am woman hear me roar" the next. Parts of life suck for both sexes and in every life. Lets all get used to it, "Man-up" (and "Woman-up"), and move on to something that really matters, like feeding the world and healthcare in general.

I have found that if you do the work to get to know yourself and really become a deeper, fuller person, thats what you attract. So if you're not looking at the mirror on the inside, you'll wind up with someone who only cares about the outside. And that goes for both sexes too. A little common sense goes a long way.