I thought I would add this correction to what I wrote before:

"This is to let YOU know I will no longer put up your disrespect of me."

I was writing between clients and ran into the 1,000 word limit. Editing takes longer than writing the post in the first place!

I'd also like to add that taking control of the relationship with your parents, LW, is an incredibly empowering and self-affirming exercise. You may find a lot of your self-loathing disappears once you do so. Its a cornerstone of mental health thought that people don't "grow up" until they can be an adult (some therapies call it "individuation") in their family relationships. That's when we tell our parents "no" in no uncertain terms and don't feel guilty about it. When our "no" is not linked to getting back at them or guilt-tripping them, etc. Just this is who I am and how I am and I'm being that with you regardless of what you think or what you say. And you will treat me with respect or I am leaving the conversation.

I found after my experience with my mother that I re-evaluated all of my relationships based on whether people truly respected me. Not that I went around dumping people but that it opened my eyes to my own responsibility in how I was treated by people. It really reformed my over-people pleasing ways and made me aware and value people who were authentic and real over people who weren't and also much more aware of people who thought were okay who were really pretty shallow and manipulative with me. Sometimes when I stopped people pleasing, I got deeper and more meaningful relationships with people. In the end it made me love and respect myself far more than I ever have.

Hi LW,

I am so sorry that you have had this happen to you and that you are going through this. I am a therapist and I agree whole heartedly with Carey. If you are serious suicidal now, please call a suicide hotline. Second to that, start looking at therapists. While I agree with the crisis center or mental health agency idea for an emergency, I think you will get better and experienced care from a private therapist who specializes in sexual abuse.

I know that you don't have much in the way of resources but many therapists will take a reduced rate or what is called a sliding scale - often as low as $20 a session. Some will advertise a sliding scale but most won't. But if you ask, many will say, "yes". Please start looking NOW. Please.

Next, I must say I think it's time to tell your parents. This is a terrible burden for you to carry alone and I can tell you from experience that "not telling them", not telling anyone who cares about you, is part of what is driving your suicidal feelings. Having to carry a secret like this is tearing you apart. Carrying huge secrets like this destroy people. Because they have to pretend that what is real...is not. Keeping that secret never allows you to be yourself, to be authentic, to be real. Once you do tell them, which will be terribly hard, but once you do, things will change dramatically.

I know in saying this last part that it seems almost impossible to do and it will seem you are taking a huge risk. But I can tell you that most parents after getting over the shock of it will support their child even over their own parents/family. They may question that it happened as you said. Unfortunately, you can only expect that. But it needs to be done. Because you need to tell them and not for their sake, for yours! But this is something you can wait to do and discuss once you find the support of a therapist. You can also discuss bringing your family in to a session with the therapist in order to tell them.

Now in saying this, I think it is important to understand that it is YOUR decision whether to press charges or not against this person who did this to you. If you tell your parents, no matter that they may or may not pressure for it, it is your decision whether to do that. I have often had sexual abuse victims who decide not do this because they have suffered so much already and they just want to move on.

LW, there are people out there who understand what you are going through. Just like there are people here who do. Remember that. HOLD ON! There is a life for you away from this. But unfortunately, you need to hit it head on to get through it. Once you do, you will begin to heal and life WILL get better. You can get through this!

Best Wishes to You!!!

Personally, I don't think ANY of the other candidates can compete with Obama as an orator. He's got MLK's style down! And I think that's what been key for him in winning. He reminds people...

And Clinton may not have the charm that Obama has (or even that Bill Clinton has) or all of the fine inspiring platitudes. Hey, even Bush is charming. But as we can see with Bush, it takes more than charm or poetic words to run a country (well, Bush grinds them up). And personally, I'm tired of platitudes.

And I'm tired of charming men.