Letters to the Editor
damnthatxanadu
Published Letters: 481 Editor's Choice: 14
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Allie
[Read the article: My wife thinks I'm cheating on her -- but I'm not!]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]Ah, yes, a woman could close some of the disparity. Some. But how dangerous is she on a scale of 1 to 10 to a man with a knife or a frying pan? In other words, give both a knife and a frying pan and who would win? I hate to say it, but I vote hands down for the man.
The point I am making is that there is a major physical power differential that is the "not acknowledged but ever present elephant in the room". Women who have ever been physically abused by a man (beaten) are scared out of their wits for their lives and many often pay with their lives. Just how many men can truly say they were scared out their wits afraid they were going to die by being hit by a woman? Pissed off and offended yes. Possibly concerned. Sometimes physically hurt. But rarely shitting their pants afraid they were going to die and rarely paying with their lives.
Does this mean the wife was in anyway reasonable to do this? Absolutely not. Does this mean the LW should tolerate being hit? NO! Does this mean that the LW is within his rights to be pissed, basically had it, and leave? Yes. But whereas we would tell a woman to get the fuck out because we KNOW her life is at risk if she got punched (because we KNOW instinctualy that a powerfully physical person hitting a lesser powerfully person --man to woman, woman to child -- is physically capable of killing of that person), a man wouldn't need to think that. Most men would never hit a woman, period. Most men would never hit a child for the same reason. Because just with their fists they know they could kill them. Men who do hit physically or are serial physical abusers know this also, and they know the fear that a man who hits can instill. That's why they do it.
Now there are women who take advantage of the 'most men' rule to abuse men physically. They know they can get away with it. And some women can also be as emotionally abusive as some men. We all know this. The difference is that a man can just physically walk away from the relationship. He may pay a big price for that in some other way but most likely he'll live. Most women who are abused are afraid to walk away from the relationship. Absolutely afraid for their lives because they're usually told they'll lose them if they do...and a lot of them do. Good God, you all know this! What about this is so hard to get?
Anyway, I'm assuming the rest of the relationship is pretty good and that this jealousy a weird anomaly that keeps happening and that this is the reason he is staying. I know the behavior of the jealousy sounds weird at this point but I've seen it in some otherwise pretty healthy people and some pretty healthy relationships and not only in therapy. If the rest of the relationship is good, and both partners are committed to working on it, this weird shit can be corrected.
Now people will scream with this one, but yeah, if this were a man (who punched, not just grab or some equivalent) I would say, the relationship is probably doomed to abuse. And we'd all agree. Why? Because of the "most men know" rule above. Because the man well knows the power differential, that he has to power to instill terrible fear and the power to kill physically...and he used it. And that's the difference that makes a difference.
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AKA Smith
[Read the article: My wife thinks I'm cheating on her -- but I'm not!]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]Wow, sorry to hear about your childhood. But it sounds like you made your own life your own in spite of it and didn't succumb to the victimization of it. I know so many who have. It's a terrible "disease" in this world.
So, the trolls are all over at Broadsheet? Wow, they're amazing aren't they the way the crawl out of the woodwork. I wondered why I got so little resistance to my post. Obviously, it wasn't my brilliant "faulty generalized" logic that just wiped them out. Damn. I thought I'd have a bunch of strange irrational rationalizations to refute or ignore. You know though, they all know that everyone knows that what I said is true, so it's difficult for them to really say it isn't because it's so obvious. They would show themselves up for the shrill slavering bullies they are. But...that's never stopped them before.
And you know this is a sticky subject because even "arm-chair" feminists get caught in reversal equality trick that the trolls twist out. But counselors and folks who worked in rape centers, women's shelters, and anything on the "front lines" of working with DV know this first hand the damage done, the fear and the abuse, the lives gone and don't take kindly to fools of either sex. Very few physically abusive women, as bad as they can be, can compete with the likes of a physically abusive man.
Take care, AKA Smith. Keep on, keeping on.
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Score! Brightstar Screams!
[Read the article: My wife thinks I'm cheating on her -- but I'm not!]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]Right on Target! See, you DO get my point. You know exactly what it is I said. LOUD AND CLEAR. Go ahead and scream, Brightstar! It makes me proud!! Insult me, please! Because I know I hit a perfect nerve! And you hate it because it's the truth, and you KNOW it. And you can't stand it! And the more you scream with your ludicrous rant the more it so proves my point. And the truth, little Brightstar, gets your briefs in such a twist. Oh, and I'm sure you'll tell us ALL ABOUT THOSE, too! In detail. Scream, little Brightstar!