You know, LW, we have all been assholes (or will be) sometimes in our lives. It's just the nature of being human. So, maybe this woman is an asshole/bitch or flake, like your husband thinks. We've all been flakes or will be, at some point in our lives, too. Maybe she was just jealous of you and doing odd stuff that even she's either not aware of or perhaps is and is now even embarrassed about but can't say to you.

Being brutally honest with her is perhaps too much here, but perhaps telling her how you feel in the sense of what she did and how it made you feel isn't necessarily a bad thing. It might open the doors to a real relationship with her. And it might be the best gift you can give her. Honesty won't kill her.

But I think this is something you need to decide whether you can deal with or not. Or really want to deal with.

And you know, "or not" is not necessarily such a bad thing to decide. It sounds to me like you were fairly well traumatized by what happened with that exboyfriend and how everyone guilt-tripped you about it. And that guilt has you caught in this situation. Actually, it's terrible that people treated you like that. You know people are going to tell you that here, too. Just stick it out, etc. You're a selfish person if you don't. Suck it up. Have compassion, etc. Well, they're not you and they're not having to do this.

I'm going to tell you this. Don't torture yourself with this. If this is really something that you do not want to do, don't. Truly, you're not doing this woman any real favors by pretending to be her friend. You know, personally, if I were sick with cancer and dying, I really would not want someone who didn't like me around. I have always hated false friends with false pity. And I wouldn't want to be one either. And you can't make yourself feel that you are her friend anymore than you could make yourself be the false fiancee to your exboyfriend. So, in a way, you're leaving the situation and going on with your life, may be the best thing. For both you and her.

You know, in the end, we can't live to suit others. And we must be honest and true to ourselves and others or live in the turmoil of a false life. But there is a price for that in suffering what society will think of us and having to endure that. There's a price in what we think of ourselves. But I think there comes a time where one decides, "I'm not going to put myself through this and I'm not going to feel guilty anymore". I think that's really what your inner self is saying to you.

And you know, however this woman gets through this, whether she survives or not, she may end up doing that without you just fine.