How many couples do you know that have broken up and gotten back together? And STAYED together from then on? I'm not saying that people don't break up and get back together. They do. This can be a major pattern in the relationship before it solidifies into stability but rarely do you see this after a major breakup. But of the number that breakup HOW MANY actually get back together again? Seriously, think on this. Count the ones you know compared to the number of breakups. And then the next question is do they stay together and not break up again? Some do. But that's even less of a number. Percentage wise, I think this getting back together again and staying together is pretty low. And I think it has more to do with the developmental lifetime and maturity of most relationships than with the saying that breakups mean never getting back together. Nine times out of ten, people grow apart from each other, or one partner grows apart, etc. and the relationship dies. So, statistically, the likelihood of getting back together and staying together is that this isn't going to happen.

Can people remain friends and stay in contact after a breakup from the start. Sure. But usually the breakup is completely agreeable to both persons. Neither one is suffering from the separation from the other. The LW is suffering.

Of all the people I have seen, who are seriously suffering from a breakup (in grief), and where cutting off contact (including not searching for the person on the internet, etc) for a period of time is an option (no kids, don't work with the ex, etc), in about three to four weeks time, they start to feel seriously better and their doing things to move on with their lives. Making a decision to cutoff contact is symbolic of making the decision that the relationship is actually over. That's an incredibly healing step. That doesn't mean they're totally over it, or that there aren't things they need to deal with still about it, but they're through the worst. This doesn't mean they don't go on to continuing the friendship with the ex at a later point. Maybe they do, maybe they don't. Now you can argue with that all you want but the proof is in the effect and what is far more significant, I've never seen it not relieve the intense suffering.

In the cases where they refuse to do this or can't (again kids, work with ex, etc.), they can hang onto hope and wishful thinking and the agony for years. They often "soft" stalk and connive to get the ex back and waste their lives trying to get back together with them. Of the people who have "seduced", if you will, the ex into getting back together, the ex eventually breaks it up again later. Quite honestly, I have NEVER seen hanging on, maintaining the friendship with an eye to getting the ex back actually work in the longterm. NEVER. I've heard stories of it. But I've never seen it. Regardless, what is NICE about all of that?

The ex here has a new girlfriend who is moving in with him. This is a pretty significant signal that the ex is communicating having moved on and being done with the couple relationship with LW. If he still had significant feelings for the LW or doubts, this wouldn't be happening. If LW weren't hanging onto the relationship and was just being a friend, that too would be completely different.

You know, we're not talking about a couple here who are discussing whether they should get back together. Or an ex who is exhibiting doubts about leaving the relationship or giving mixed signals. None of these last things are the case is it? At this stage of the game, the ex is done with the relationship as it is now. Five years from now, who knows? But the LW should hardly sit around suffering and waiting for that to happen.

You know, Anon, I think in a perfect world, your idea letting the process take it's time, etc. would be the ideal. We would all wish for that. The problem is that people are at their messiest emotionally in the breakups of relationships. They talk themselves into all sorts of things to hold on, even that ideal. But in real life, the gravity of loss or of losing a relationship takes over and ideals hits the hard pavement of human emotions. I think there are realities in life that are not fair or ideal but that none-the-less are the way they are. You can complain all you want to about them, etc. but it won't make them any different. And this is one of them. LW has a choice, either hang on to a highly unlikely chance of getting the LW back all the while sacrificing moving on with her own life and prolonging her agony and suffering or...cut off contact for a while, face the pain and start the process of getting over it, move on with her life and be happy.