Letters to the Editor
damnthatxanadu
Published Letters: 484 Editor's Choice: 14
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Some Added Thoughts...
[Read the article: We broke up after four years -- but he moved on so fast!]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]I thought I'd add a little more. Primarily because I'm sure you, LW, are thinking "they're crazy, he's my best friend! I'm not going to stop talking to him. And I want to stay friends."
The problem is not the friendship thing, the problem is that you are hanging onto this relationship because it seems too hard to let go. You have that "secret hope", my dear. Secret hope that if you stay around, things won't work out with this new girlfriend and you'll be there when it falls through and somehow Ex will see that. Let me tell you, that "secret hope" has wasted so much of so many people lives it's not funny. The problem is that "secret hope" is hard to get rid of when you maintain contact with your Ex. It's like an addiction. It can actually become an addiction. The problem is, even if this girlfriend doesn't work out, your Ex isn't coming back. I'll repeat that, "your Ex isn't coming back!" The problem is, if you keep hanging on, you'll waste the incredible life that is yours at 22 hankering in that "secret hope".
Believe me, everyone who has written here knows about that "secret hope". And everyone here also knows that it's just a Hollywood fairytale that looks really good on the screen but in real life is just that, a fairytale (and that's why Hollywood and all the sad love songs use it because it's our "secret hope" fairytale). And it's a deadly fairytale. Because everyone here knows the ending. Because we all thought what you thought too and done what you have done and hoped what you have hoped. And it didn't work. The Ex never came back. If they did, they didn't stay long. And we all wasted some very good years of our lives in that fairytale and we don't want you to do that.
So that's why we're telling you this. So, listen to Cary and the rest. Get out the door and move on. If you stay in that town, STOP talking to the Ex for a period of time (6 months to a year, in my opinion/if he's REALLY your friend, he'll understand and he'll STILL be your friend then!!), and make a real effort to meet new people. Volunteer, get into a hiking/biking club, make a difference in a needy person's life, party, go back to school, go to a different school, internet date, whatever...move on.
And for those who questioned my going to an exotic place idea, don't knock it until you've tried it. It can be an exhilarating, eye-opening, clearing the head experience like none other. Go some place like Rome, or Paris or if you're on the East Coast go to the West or visa-versa. Or even just to the mountains for a week. It's an experience in self-agency, self-esteem and waking up to the world. It'll make you think whole new thoughts and feel whole new feelings. Now that's a cure.
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Anon 3:08
[Read the article: We broke up after four years -- but he moved on so fast!]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]Clue: New girlfriend moving in;doesn't look like the ex is coming back. Even so, you suggest that LW keep her hopes up even though the new girlfriend is moving in, obsess over her ex, over her lost relationship, put herself through hell listening to ex's go on about the new relationship (including the torture of possibly seeing them together), pretend she's just being a friend when really she wants to get back together, and then do what? Feel good about all that?
And just how many times have you been around this block? Reread the last paragraph in her letter. It's pretty painful.