Letters to the Editor
damnthatxanadu
Published Letters: 481 Editor's Choice: 14
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Okay, I'll take the bait
[Read the article: My therapist is making faces at me]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]Ummmm, I'm a therapist and I wouldn't hesitate in the least (well, depending upon what it is, wouldn't hesitate) to tell you "Just go to the goddamned DMV, you moron, and get your license renewed!" Of course, that just happens to be my style. But then, THEN, we'd talk about why this was so important that you needed to ask me about it. And what is it about this, what does it mean that you wanted to spend a whole therapy session over going to get your license renewed? And of course I'd skip the "moron" part. Actually, I know a number of therapists who wouldn't hesitate to tell a client what to do in THAT particular example. Actually, I like to sometimes lay out a whole bunch of "what to do's" in certain situation and talk about each one.
But I liked what Cary said about the interesting part of therapy is a place where you can find out what it would be like to be you, to take a good look at the real you, and have a place to explore that. And also to break the taboo. Therapy is all about breaking "the taboo". All the terrible interesting constrictive assumptive inhibitive discombobulating taboos that tie one to being rigidly knotted up into some odd sense of our selves and what we think other people think...about us. So, LW, take the bait, say something to your therapist about this annoying thing she does. Step out there. If she's good, this at least will be a very interesting conversation. At best, the conversation will take you places you've never been before...and see (and "feel", can't forget that) whole new perspectives. At very worst, you'll know this isn't the therapist for you. Oh, and don't necessarily expect that she will change her annoying behavior of making faces. This is probably who she is and isn't going to change. Who knows, by the end of the session you just may not want her to.
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Taboos
[Read the article: My therapist is making faces at me]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]How about these taboos: The woman whose beloved boyfriend blows a hole in his brain directly in front of her in the midst of an argument about something trivial that she did and now she's feeling suicidal (who can she tell it ALL to?), the heterosexual young man who was molested as a child who now has panic attacks and now worries about being homosexual because he can't seem to get the abuse out of his head (who is safe he telling his concerns over being homosexual to?), the man who feels no joy in life whose parents never allowed anger of any kind to be expressed in the home and feels horrible guilt when he just feels any kind of anger towards anyone (THAT taboo!), the man whose wife has just left him after 20 years of marriage and he is devastated although he was the one having the affair and finds himself spiraling into depression, the young man who hates being a doctor or lawyer because his family insisted but can't find the "logic" in changing careers and he "knows" he doesn't have the guts to tell his family and feels suicidal, or the woman with severe "complicated" grief over the sudden death of her husband...who used to beat her and no one knows, the highly professional older man with panic attacks so bad that he can't drive his car on highways (who can he safely tell?)....shall I go on? These are COMMON generic scenarios that ALL therapist's see.
The taboo is "in" what we can barely admit to ourselves, it doesn't necessarily have to be a social or cultural taboo. The process of therapy for all of these is in "processing" the experience in detail, the bringing into consciousness the guilt, shame, anger, fear of death and the "admission" of it. And to be able to tell the deepest darkest secret or what seems like the deepest darkest secret (including telling your therapist they make weird faces). The important point is that deepest darkest secret is the "taboo" for them. And the point of therapy the experience of being able to tell someone fully that without concern of being judged. Most people would never tell their family members all that they are able to tell a therapist. And to tell it again and again and again in so many different ways (ad nauseam sometimes even to them), until it no longer has a hold on them (who are they going to be able to do that with?!!). And then the emotional catharsis of the realization of something about themselves or something about the situation that "solves" some piece of it or all of it.
And contrary to what was said, therapists often care very deeply for each client or patient and what they do. Enough that they will often work on little or no money for one or more hardship cases. For those of you who question the necessity or value of therapy for people, hopefully you will never feel the need for it, but for those who do, you can bet they're not going to see a therapist on a lark. And a special note to BenDover, 75% of my clients has always been male.