Dear LW,

I'm a female therapist with many male clients of many ages and I always find my self at some point with some sexual thoughts about them, etc. It comes and goes with each client. Some of them are absolutely adorable hunky young or older men (or not so hunky adorable) but there is ALWAYS a sexual emotion or awareness that's been present for me at some point. I'm sure they have those feelings or thoughts about me at some points. I also have some lesbian clients who have been openly adoring about me and while the sexual attraction isn't the same, I sometimes do have feelings for them that seems overly intimate at some point. Actually sometimes, depending upon IF it seems helpful to the person's therapy, I might bring it up for discussion. Besides the ethical and moral responsibility I have, I find that by simply by acknowledging and appreciating the feelings within myself, without judgment, they pass. Since I'm there to teach them to do this in their lives in general, I try and pass that ability along to them in this area as well. Because, although people may find all that shocking but it's actually NORMAL. We're human beings of course and in close proximity which tends to heighten the feelings of any intimacy especially anything potentially sexual. The difference is that I, like you, am in a sensitive role with the care of another human being in my hands. If you allow the wisdom within you to rise to surface about this you can then appreciate your sexual feelings and what it means to be a sexually attractive woman and in addition see the boy for just what he is at this point, a boy, not a man, a boy in your care. And regardless of what some people have written here, I am telling you from what I have seen with even "almost adult" adolescents that you could greatly harm the boy emotionally and, furthermore, yourself and your family with any furthering in this area. I KNOW you know this. But when you just deeply appreciate the feelings without doing anything with them, the feelings will begin to pass. I find laughing to myself about them also helps.

BUT far more to the point, to me these sexual feelings are just a symptom, a sign of what's NOT happening in your marriage. That's the REAL elephant in the room. I hear your words of how wonderful it is but I don't believe you. You are a healthy sexually alive 35-year-old woman who deserves the passion and ecstasy of sex and the intimacy of that partnership in your life and in your marriage. Sex does fade out a bit with children in a marriage but when it becomes nonexistent, regardless of stress, work, whatever, something is wrong. Try seducing your husband first (not just sexually but intimately on a emotional basis), find out more about him and what makes him tick, see if there are any resentments that he's not admitting (or you're both not admitting), talk him into a romantic second honeymoon, and if this goes nowhere, get yourself and/or your husband to a marriage therapist. Something's very much missing here and it's energy is showing up in this overt fantasy/attraction.

Regardless, remember that secretive and taboo feelings and fantasies, not expressed, tend to reflect in on themselves and increase. Find someone else you deeply trust to talk to, to perhaps discuss this with. Also find another outlet that you are passionate in. Some part of your life is not being lived and you need to find it. Also regardless of what everyone says here, this happens to EVERYONE at some point (if not many points) in their life. My prudish mother in her seventies would once in a while amazingly comment to me slyly upon seeing some really cute young guy, that she wouldn't mind seeing his shoes under her bed some night! It was also a riot to watch her flirt with them. So, don't loose the significance and meaning of yourself as a sexual being. And don't be hard on yourself, just be wise.