Dear Joan,

Next time, please do your homework. Jeffrey Miller, Allison Krause, Sandra Scheuer, William Knox Schroeder. Iran is about to join the civilized nations. I guess.

Respectfully yours,

Michael John Nissen

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Michael Jackson was brilliant. He was a child-molesting freak who should have been viciously put to sleep years ago. There isn't a real man on this planet who would not have beaten this stupid fuck to death in a New York minute. Any adult who let this piece of shit anywhere near their children should also be injected with sleep serum. Go fuck yourselves. In a week we will never have to listen to this stupid, bullshit again. He is dead. You are not. Thank your lucky stars. Now go take your children out to have a burger.

I will say it again, just for the record. Just so all of you understand. And as far as Republican Gov'nus getting a little trim on the side, not my style. My wife keeps me happy. As I do her. But maybe Sanford's wife is a bitch. Any of you consider that? And Argentina is really exotic. Who wouldn't want that tatooed on their resume. Besides, we will all be dead in the future. He got his and you did not. Just something for you to put into your equation. Perhaps you can ask Carrie. All that shit is made-up anyway. Anyway, here goes about Michael Jackson.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Michael Jackson was brilliant. He was a child-molesting freak who should have been viciously put to sleep years ago. There isn't a real man on this planet who would not have beaten this stupid fuck to death in a New York minute. Any adult who let this piece of shit anywhere near their children should also be injected with sleep serum. Go fuck yourselves. In a week we will never have to listen to this stupid, bullshit again. He is dead. You are not. Thank your lucky stars. Now go take your children out to have a burger.

Have I made myself clear? And I am what you assholes call a progressive. I am on your side. But you are too stupid to invite to one of my picnics. Welcome to the 21st century.

Awwww, who gives a cracked patoot! I give you Keith Richards and Jim Fixx. You are damned if you do and damned if you don't. So smoke a cigarette, have a beer with your burger, take a long walk through the park, shove a garden hose up yer keister, evacuate your bowels and your mind, and enjoy the rest of the summer. Remember, Labor Day is only 4 weeks away.