Letters to the Editor
Published Letters: 217 Editor's Choice: 9
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@AKA Smith
[Read the article: Quote of the Day: Barack Obama ]
[Read more letters about this article: Here][Use of 'sweetie' is] condescending because in certain context it can be nothing other than condescending. Example: I am 44 year old substitute teacher. You are a 14 year old high school girl. When I tell you that you need to take your books off your desk before you take the test, you say: "Well, sweetie, our regular teacher let's us leave our books on our desk."
This metaphor doesn't track either. That's a child/grown-up situation, where the child would be implying that her and the teacher are both adults - and thus negating her authority.
Ditto, with assholes who call female food servers sweetie when they don't call their female co-workers sweetie.
OK - let's say they DID call their female co-workers sweetie. Would it still be sexist and condescending towards the female food servers then?
Who said anything about universal? This is the U.S.
Oh man. Do I really have to slice it *this* explicity? OK then:
Using 'sweetie' in professional conversation from a man to a woman is not automatically and universally sexist IN THE US. As my evidence, I cite the letters here in Salon. Which are from, as near as I can tell, all liberal US or US-born women.
If he wasn't in the wrong, then why apologize?
Because he had inadvertently offended this reporter, so good manners is apologizing.
We can discount the men. You already said that white people don't get to call black people nigger.
You mean, let's start dismissing people who disagree with you, because of their gender? Sorry, I don't feel like being sexist.
And we especially won't dismiss the men, because you are misunderstanding my point.
I'm saying that, as a white man, I know that using the 'n word' is offensive to black people. THEREFORE, even tho I am not a woman, if 'sweetie' were anywhere near that universally offensive to women I would expect to know it.
...you must admit that men don't get to decide what offends women.
OK, sure. I never said men get to decide that, in the first place.
My point to you is - YOU DON'T GET TO DECIDE THAT EITHER.
You, personally, are not all women, and you do not speak for all women. And most importantly looking at the letters here, they don't all agree with you either.
See?
So you can't say use of 'sweetie' in this context is universally sexist - because, looking at the facts as near as I can see, it's SIMPLY NOT.
As to the women who are defending him, I think we can eliminate those who wish he'd call them sweetie because they have the hots for him
OK. That takes care of what, one letter?
And then, if we're actually going to be fair about it, we can discount all the women who reflexively hate Obama, for whatever reason. That's at least one letter. So, back to square one - the sampling right here indicates rather clearly that you are wrong.
It's really that simple.
Too many people here are defending Obama and not the principle.
Not me. I'm attacking what you think the principle is. I'm doing this because your take on it is not in step with the facts as near as we can tell them.
Pay attention to Juliebird who has supported Obama yet understands basic good sense and good manners.
I've paid attention to her. Read my responses to her, if you like.
Said another way:
We can dismiss those who want to fuck him.
Brightstar wears skirts. Do you think he is progressive? Do you think the Obama bully boys who have called women cunts for supporting Hillary are progressive?
No, of course not. But are you even trying to equate 'sweetie' with 'cunts'?? In a professional setting? Are you for real??
Purchase a book on professional manners.
I will for you, if you will read it. Since you'd rather insult and dismiss people of your own gender, for the crime of disagreeing with you.
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To me, this kerfuffle is faux feminism at it's worst
[Read the article: Quote of the Day: Barack Obama ]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]I say "faux" because it's symbolically resonant to *some*, but the use of this **word** does not touch on the known and measurable needs of women, as a group or individually, **one iota**.
Hey, I'm a guy. Write me off if you like. But, as a feminist, don't you think it would be much better to think about:
- is Obama's health care policy good for women?
- does his fiscal policy serve women's interests?
- is his stand on the right to choose good towards women?
- how does he feel about aid to women in developing countries?
- what will he do to help women in poverty?
- what will he do to help the rights of women, in the US and worldwide?
Stacked up against those questions, I think "sweetie" is today's "flag pin" - a symbol-based outrage that's utterly irrelevant to actual concerns in today's reality.
And in that context, I think this kerfuffle is resonant of how we tend to treat things culturally, in the US. We like to focus in on something that makes a lot of sound and fury, because we can *feel* active and *feel* involved - but we don't actually have to go through the effort, thought and pain required to actually address a genuine price-of-beans problem.
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@AKA Smith - why are you being sexist?
[Read the article: Quote of the Day: Barack Obama ]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]Yes, metasailor, we should dismiss men who don't think it is sexist to call women sweetie ...
Why are you dismissing the opinions of a group of people, based on their gender?
That's the definition of sexism, is it not?
Or do you think it's impossible for a woman to be sexist towards men, is that it?