Letters to the Editor
LeCastor
Published Letters: 1916 Editor's Choice: 86
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4 years in a relationship and no sex?
[Read the article: The 30-year-old virgins]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]Had my first serious relationship at 17. And have had a series of long-term relationships since (4 years in college,followed by 3 years after college, followed by 1 year with the guy I finally "lost" it to.) I've always been very outgoing and popular. Also, I've always considered mmyself a very sexual and sensual person. I masturbated frequently, I knew what an orgasm was by the time I was 15. I've always viewed sex as a natural, positve experience...so why was I still a virgin at 25? Precisely because of my sense of my own strong sensuality and sexuality, and the "crazy, freakish" thought that sex should be thouroughly enjoyable (not tolerable).
Here's my question, how can someone be in a relationship with someone for FOUR years and not have sex? Sex is part of relationships, like talking is. I'm not saying jump into bed on the first date, but 4 years?!
But lets face it, vaginal intercourse, for the most part can be painful for the first time; so I kept putting it off.
I did not want to have sex in the backseat of a car with the pain of hymeneal perforation joined with watching out for a police officer/pesky neighbor/passerby who would catch me in the act, while simultanously having to ignore the calls on my cellphone from my parents (need I say: mood killer?), and having your joints in uncomfortable positions. I also didn't want to do it while waiting for the guys mom, roomate, etc.(and viceversa). I wanted to ENJOY sex since the first time and franly the location hadn't clicked with the desires. Either the setting was adquate but not the partner or the partner was adequate but not the settings. As pure and simple as that.When this two factors meshed I lost it.
So you were with the wrong guy for 4 years, and then 3 years, and then 1 year, or for all of 3 years after college, neither you nor the guy had your own room anywhere, so you were forced to consider the car or a dormroom for 2 or the parents' house?
I mean, i'm thoroughly confused.
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Still confused about how someone can be in a 4-year relationship and not have sex.
[Read the article: The 30-year-old virgins]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]Honestly, LeCastor? Maybe you'll just have to resign yourself to being confused. You keep asking for justifications and explanations that other people aren't required to give. Being curious is one thing, but you seem to have almost an unhealthy obsession with having other people explain their choices. I have nothing but respect for the people who are sharing their stories here, and I find this grilling a bit unseemly. Let people make their own sexual choices without being treated like some kind of sideshow exhibit or psychological test case.
I agree, people are sharing and that is wonderful. I'm not demanding anything, i'm just asking if anyone wants to elaborate. To me, it really is inconceivable that i would be in relationship with someone for 4 years (assuming this was college, it was 18 to 22 years old) and not have sex at the healthy ripe age of 22. And then thereafter, another 3 year relationship, that brings us to 25, and then another one for a whole year. Yeah, i honestly don't understand ... how that works. If anyone would be kind enough to explain how you can have a meaningful adult relationship at the age of 25 for 3 years and not have sex, i would really love the insight.
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The longer you wait...
[Read the article: The 30-year-old virgins]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]...the more important and weighty it becomes, the more you want it to be absolutely perfect and wonderful, and consequently, the more difficult it becomes to actually do it. YOu have to find the right place, and the right person, and the right, blah blah blah, and...I think it's amazing how much weight people give to losing one's virginity, like it's going to be some sort of life-altering experience that you should only share with The One, or something like that. Well, what if it turns out that the guy (or girl, but i guess this applies more to women) isn't very good in bed? Or your first time isn't as magical as you had hoped. Mine was not bad at all, but it took many more months of dedication and practice before it got rrreally good.
Yes, sex is a wonderful thing, but one's first time shouldn't be such a weighty and serious endeavour.
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Oh for christ's sake, take the care for a test drive before you buy it!
[Read the article: The 30-year-old virgins]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]Both my husband and I were virgins until our wedding night. I was 26 and he was 27. My husband didn't even KISS me until the part in the ceremony where you get to kiss the bride, because he said he was even saving that too. He knew I was the one for him and that was it. It's not like he's some loser either (Ivy League undergrad, an MBA, and now making $250K/yr).
My sister was a virgin until she got married at 28 (to a doctor). My aunt was a virgin until she got married at 36 to a younger man (a red-blooded Irish-American Catholic).
I just think it's hilarious that you don't mention what you or your female relatives do for a living, or whether your male relatives followed also married virgins. Also, i guess it's unclear whether your female relatives' grooms were virgins, or just the gals. It sounds like you come from a very traditional background.
Also, PS, what if any of you get divorced or your husbands die? will no nice men want you then, because you're not virgins anymore? :)