Anger is a wonderful emotion. If balanced with reflection, diplomacy, and kindness (you can learn these skills over time) it will help you get and find the right job; excel at the job; get to know yourself; stand up for mankind; give your bus seat up for an older person when others just sit on their butts; stop being a yes-person; have better sex (because you know how to ask for what you want); and get into a good relationship and stay in it because you won't bury your feelings. Vive anger.

That was a nice response, Cary. It covered the bases. Who hasn't been where the letter writer is? We've all been there; many of us have been there today. We feel for you, LW. It will get better in time. One door closes, another one opens.

Shy men often think they're sending out signals when they're not. I have heard...you couldn't tell I was attracted to you and kept staring at you? This, when we hardly had eye contact. Or, all I could think about was (fill in blank, ie, kissing, touching) when we were talking...couldn't you tell? No, I couldn't tell. There are two kinds of men: overtly sexy, kinda sleazy guys and everyone else. This man may be just like everyone else. Yes, the peck on the cheek tells you he's interested!!! I bet he thinks you're too young for him and is too polite to make a move. If you're over 20 (as a previous LW said), go ahead and make a move or say what you'd like to say...he's waiting for you, I bet.

I sympathize with the LW, but I also feel she needs to possibly reconsider her definition of "attracted." I see the people on match.com who insist on immediate "attraction" and I feel sorry for them. Most people, regardless of whether they are a high school or college graduate, must be "attracted" to a potential partner's mind or values, even as they are checking out whether they're attracted to the package. Most people need to like and enjoy the person they share popcorn with on the sofa. The LW is not saying whether she liked or enjoyed the date. So, on one hand, I understand being immediately turned off by someone who is dumb or boring or seems mentally unstable, but it's hard to understand being totally turned off by a guy who is nice, pleasant and who is intelligent enough to laugh at her jokes. If her judgments are being made based on the mental connection (or lack thereof) w/the man, then I agree that she should go quickly to the next man, and date 10 guys and reject the 9 she doesn't like. But if her definition of "attraction" is all physical, there is something in her psyche that is closer to that of a 14-year-old girl than a 34-year-old woman. Physical attraction generally happens when you like someone! Attraction is about connection. I've noticed that this is news to a sub-group on match.com, some of whose profiles have literally been there for YEARS.

----Finally, friends -- no matter how close they are to you -- are different from a significant other since you don't sleep with them. I would think the criteria for someone you potentially will sleep with and someone that you are just friends with are quite different. Or am I wrong, as I'm 43 and been out of the dating scene for close to 20 years?-----

I believe you are wrong. The criteria for friends and lovers are the same! Have you ever seen people who choose partners with traits they would NEVER put up with in a friendship, ie, meanness, small-mindedness, incessant talking or not enough talking...and make excuses for the lover because the sex is good? If you choose a lover who also has the requirements of a friend (fun, loyal, similar interests, great conversationalist), you have a potential marriage partner.

Do they create art-work? What is her medium? She talks about her wardrobe. I am a musician, and so am familiar with that ilk. You can't really go around saying you're an existential drummer or an existential sax player...you have to actually play. You must be disciplined and somewhat intelligent to be really good, particularly in a genre like jazz, for example. What does clothing have to do with it? I'm confused by the whole concept here. What is a hipster anyway? My sense is that it has something to do with white socks, tattoos and eyewear? Albert Einstein was an artist, in that he was quite the original guy. But I don't think he's remembered much for his clothing or socks. Ditto for Monet, Manet and Renoir.