The average person, is, well, average, I guess, and it's demonstrated by the majority of letters here. Based on most peoples' sentiments, the average person comes across as frighteningly bigoted and doesn't appear to have much experience with people whose world views don't match their own.

As Jon says, age-different relationships are no different from race-different or religion-different relationships. I've seen the looks on some peoples' faces when I'm with my sweetheart (he is black; I'm white). I'm barely aware my sweetheart and I are different races until I see us in photographs. And then I think, wow, we look so different. Our connection is intellectual and emotional; we aren't looking in the mirror or thinking about what other people think when we relate.

The LW didn't write in about age-different relationships, but everyone felt the need to crucify the friend for being in one. There are plenty of emotionally immature 41-year-old men in relationships with age-appropriate women.

It makes me realize that there are a whole crop of people out there - perhaps the majority - who choose friends, partners, jobs and entire life paths based on what looks right and what seems right to others.

I'd be much more interested in having dinner with Jon and his partner than with many others here, because they would likely approach and speak to me as an individual rather than as a cardboard cut-out; the same way they hope others approach and speak to them.

--I think you have a lot to learn. That you would consider comparing an old guy dating a teenager to your situation PROVES you have a lot to learn.

"Color blindness" sounds so lovely, but it is just another form of white privilege.--

Your 'color blindness' line sounds like something you'd see in The Onion. I can tell you're trying to say something serious, but I can't figure out what it is. What lesson do I need to learn? And how old are you anyway, Anonymous....? I have a feeling you're a lot younger than I am (47), but I'm open to learning lessons from someone of any age. I'm listening.

Thanks, Czarina. My homey and I talk trash all the time, you'll be relieved to hear. But I can't get him to wear his pants below his butt. But I'm workin on it. Cause he has a fine one!

I'm afraid I agree with Shadow. Most divorces are instigated by women. When men initiate divorce, there is almost always another woman, or a strong flirtation that is leading that way.

Men stay in marriages every day of the week when they're not "in love." Please. No one leaves the house unless: 1) They are asked to leave or 2) There's someone else, or there will be soon. The latter is not fixed by counseling.

I once dated a man who had spent 25 years in AA and continued to go to meetings. He didn't tell me on the first couple of dates, but he casually mentioned it on the third date or so. He no longer drank, but it was relevant to who he was.

We've known each now for many years. If he had chosen to keep this from me for months, out of some fear I might be judgmental, I would have dropped him like a hot potato. Those months would have revealed themselves to be a time of betrayal. It really is a type of betrayal, I believe, to actively withhold basic information from your lover about who you are and what has defined you throughout your life.

Tell your boyfriend now. If you lose him, you've learned that he wasn't for you. You need a man who accepts you. Why would you even seek a partner who doesn't accept you? And your man needs a partner who is honest and genuine. Would *you* want a lover who attempted to control and steer the relationship by witholding information from you?

If I were dying, or just living - we're actually all dying slowly, anyway - I would hate to think someone who thought I was a "bitch" would be coming to visit me. Why would they visit? And why would I enjoy such a visit? I'm confused by the whole premise here.

LW, you must keep in mind that Cary has the same answer, 100 percent of the time, to people who ask if they should move closer or further away from family. From what I can tell from reading his column, Cary moved away from his family (in Fla., I believe) and, now, that he's older, regrets it - in retrospect. He dispenses advice in this arena, based on his regrets, in each and every letter in this column where the reader inquires about geography vis a vis their family. It is a real blind spot for Cary, and he's not responding to you and your particular problem; he's responding to what he wishes *he* had done in the past. I love Cary's column and love his writing, but he's not listening to you. He actually says to you, about staying in Denver: "But I think you will have few regrets, because you will have done the right thing." My question is: done the right thing for who? If the decision to settle in Denver is "the right thing" for you, LW, you will, of course, have few regrets. If moving to another city is the "right thing" for you, and you stay in Denver, look forward to many years of depression and regret. If that's the right thing in somebody's book, then you will have done the right thing.