Hi, guy from scandanavia:

I'm sorry you're so upset by my letter.

Methotrexate, a widely used chemotherapy drug, is the gold standard treatment for rheumatoid arthritis; my aunt takes it.

Chemotherapy is used for many ailments that are neither rare nor exotic.

My sister has cancer, as do others in my family. We don't view it as something private or shameful. It's strange that you put this statement in quotes in your note to me, as I never said I had a "right to know" anything:

--It's not about "your right to know" or some other narcisstic crap.--

All I said was that a person looking to keep a disease private from someone would not be discussing their chemo treatments with them. The friend volunteered she was on chemo; the LW didn't drag it out of her.

I don't have a "right to know" anything, nor did the LW. I would, however, argue that we all have a "right" to decline to answer a question.

My sister never appears angry when people ask about her cancer; I don't feel angry when someone else expresses curiosity about our other sister's schizophrenia. This is life: cancer, mental illness, sickness, disability, problems of aging, divorce, suicide; you name it.

If I were to volunteer to a friend that I was receiving chemotherapy, I would fully expect her to ask me a question about it. To be angry at her for her curiousity - after I just opened the door to her - would be cruel and meanspirited.

Why would I be angry at someone who innocently inquires about my illness? If I don't want to answer, I can simply say: "Thanks for asking about me, but I don't really feel up to talking about it." Case closed.

Your need to tell me to "fuck off" is absurd and sad for you. No, I don't feel pain, but I feel pain for you, because you sound like you live in a prison of your own making.

Why should people read from a script that is to your liking? Everyone is an individual and has different thought processes from you.

I personally don't feel that cancer, mental illness, spina bifida, cerebral palsey or any other disease that has affected me and my family is a private matter that is not to be discussed. I realize that many people, including you, feel otherwise.

It's your "right," as it were, not to discuss your cancer, scandanavian guy. But when a friend volunteers that she's receiving chemo, she's opening up to a friend, and that friend may indeed ask a question.

People probably walk on eggshells around you, scandanavian guy, because if someone doesn't follow your script, you immediately jump down their throat. A simple question about your health could easily elicit a: "Fuck You. My cancer is a private matter!"

But believe it or not, there are others who are grateful when someone inquires about their health; even asking about details.

Being angry at normal human curiosity is troubling. From what I've experienced, people who want to control what others say to them, becoming enraged when friends, acquaintances and posters on a message board don't follow the correct script, are quite manipulative and controlling people.

Also, in my experience, people who accuse others of "narrcisism," have much firsthand experience with the trait.

Maybe try to "live and let live," and watch your life improve.

I agree w/the previous poster who feels something is off w/the friend. Who says "I'm having chemo" and doesn't tell the listener what it is or isn't for?

I think a statement like that is most certainly an open invitation to the listener to ask: "what is the chemo for?" If having chemo is a secret that you don't want to discuss, why mention it?

People who drop private or cryptic information without context are playing some sort of game.

I recently was talking to a stranger on a commuter train and she kept referring to "Rick," ie, "Rick and I also liked that movie." 'Who the f__k is Rick?' I wanted to say, but didn't.

When there's no "my friend Rick," or "my husband Rick," the person is manipulating you into asking them them..."Who is Rick?", in the same way the LW's friend is inviting her to ask, "Why are you getting chemo?"

Who knows why some people can't be upfront and direct? I have never understood peoples' private games.

If I told someone: "I'm having chemo," I'd frankly think it strange if they didn't ask me why. If I didn't want anyone to know I was having chemo for an ailment, cancer or otherwise...guess what...I wouldn't mention it.