Sandra's note makes me sad; this whole thread makes me sad, because like many women, I was like the LW, waiting for guys to 'come around.' I don't know why women do this, but it seems like standard behavior. Sandra says:

"Then ask him what makes marriage seem like the end of life. Is it monogamy? Is it the marriages he's seen around him? Ask him if he's ever seen a good marriage, and what seemed to be working. Make it a practice to dissect marriages of friends around you..."

Why would a young woman want to waste her time asking this guy WHY? He just feels the way he does. Why doesn't she spend some time asking herself why she gets in relationships where there are "red flags" and "dealbreakers." Who cares why he is the way he is?

I spent ages 27 to 30 with a man who was adamant that he would never get married - "all marriages end in divorce," he said. Hmmm. I finally got up the strength to leave the relationship.

Guess what?

Six months later he was living with a woman whom he later married and with whom he had 3 children.

When a man says he doesn't want to get married and have kids, it means HE DOESN'T WANT TO GET MARRIED AND HAVE KIDS WITH YOU.

I wish someone would have told me this 20 years ago.

If the relationship is profoundly meaningful to you, ask him if he would be willing to maintain a friendship - and tell him why you must move on to someone who shares your general values:

(ie, you'd like to meet a man who may not be ready to have children in his 20s, but is open to the possibility later. Many men are ambivalent about having children - but one who fake vomits is adamant about not having them - he's not ambivalent).

Once you bring up these issues, you may be surprised to find that he'll also feel a breakup is a good idea. I think most men can relate to being in the situation he's in: he is simply having a lovely time and is waiting for YOU to break up with him on YOUR timetable.

He'll enjoy the ride for as long as it lasts, but he will string you along for as long as you'd like to be strung...

I think all I need to know about Michaele Weissman is contained in this sentence:

"Actually, my husband, the physicist, makes my coffee in the morning."

It sounds like those NY Times wedding announcements..."The groom's mother is Gloria Jones, the artist."

I get Picasso, the artist, or Richard Feynman, the physicist. If her husband was a fuss-budgety manager of 7/11 stores, I doubt we'd hear about his profession...

I don't know...it's a small detail, but it's all in the details...is it not?

I realize I'm in the 5 percent, 1 percent? I particularly agree with the few people who said that, sometimes, someone "better" does not come along for either party.

I have been like the LW's girlfriend my entire life, and I'm now close to 50. My partner did not say he would "wait" for me, but he poured out his heart to me when I wanted to leave, and told me not that this is "as good as it gets," but to look long and hard about what is extraordinarily unique in the relationship. Had this happened to me in my 20s, I may have stuck with the love I had back then and not spent my life searching for "the one."

I find this sentiment from goodlookingout poignant:

"To the LW: take Carey's advice. Even expressing the sweetness of your feelings could reignite her interest if she's truly available for you. And if she's not, find out sooner than later."

If he expresses his feelings to her about simply *wanting* to "wait," he doesn't truly need to wait for her. What he accomplishes is conveying the depth of his feelings. Indeed, her feelings may be reignited - if they were once there. The LW who wrote about the disastrous divorce never indicated she had strong feelings about her first husband in the first place.

I left my relationship and returned several months later when I realized I agreed with nearly everything my love had been saying to me. Of course my man could have chosen not to take me back, but he chose to, and it didn't hurt his dignity or diminish him in my eyes.

In fact, I gained respect for him; he is a man who knows the meaning of love and loyalty - something I didn't truly understand until he taught me by example what loyalty is made of.

If the girlfriend doesn't find the LW's feelings/insights meaningful, she will leave and they will go their separate ways. *But* she may just remember his words, and she may come back. That doesn't mean he has to literally "wait" for her, but the ending may be the one he wants. And if she leaves with his words on her mind, she might decide that coming back to him is the ending she wants, too.