---"Having an 18-year-old who is getting ready to go off to college next fall, I must say that not being "his mom" in the everyday sense as I have for the last 18 years is going to be a much larger loss than if I lost my rewarding, well-paying job as a scientist. There are many people who could do my career job as well as I do, but I don't think anyone could have raised my child as well."---

This self-serving talk speaks more to the mother's insecurities than to her strengths. We don't know how the son feels about his mother's parenting style, and we don't know the son's own unique in-born gifts. There are plenty of "moms" of autistic, disabled, marginally intelligent or mentally ill children who did a fantastic job raising their child and don't go around telling others what wonderful mothers they are, using junior's success so far in life as a gauge.

I have to agree w/the poster who says that all of this talk is very "white." It's also very privileged. My guess is that all these "moms" are married to white, professional men that make above $15 an hour.

Your son is an individual, with traits that blossomed because he wasn't foraging for food in a third-world country or living in an impoverished, U.S. urban city. Don't take all the credit for how wonderful he is if you're a scientist, live in a safe neighborhood, sent him to decent schools with decent kids, and have the $$ to send him to college.

He had the good fortune to be born into all of this. The credit you can take, up til now, is that you've had incredibly good luck.

You don't have to be a glamour-puss to have men hitting on you. You just have to be young and somewhat interesting and somewhat attractive; just being a normal female human being will elicit this behavior from men.

It's not "vain" to acknowledge this reality. You are putting yourself down by using that word. Men are interested in women, no matter how "hot" or smart. You're a woman. That's all it takes. These men are indeed interested in you as a potential girlfriend and/or sex object.

When you're hanging out and he's reaching for your hand or trying to kiss you, that's when it's time to talk, say no, or kiss him back.

I don't believe it's leading someone on to "hang out" with him. He is hanging out with you to assesss his interest in you, and you are spending time with him to get to know new people in a city. Seems normal.

Please, try not to ruminate so much on these feelings and focus on getting to know these guys; ask them some questions. The "vanity" of the situation comes from your extreme focus on yourself. Maturity is learning how to focus on others. This is not a criticism; just reporting in on how things work.

For all you know, you may hang out with him and develop a romantic interest in him, and he may lose his romantic interest in you. I sense that this may be the sub-text of your letter. If so, it's perfectly normal, and what everyone deals with.

I agree w/the previous poster who feels something is off w/the friend. Who says "I'm having chemo" and doesn't tell the listener what it is or isn't for?

I think a statement like that is most certainly an open invitation to the listener to ask: "what is the chemo for?" If having chemo is a secret that you don't want to discuss, why mention it?

People who drop private or cryptic information without context are playing some sort of game.

I recently was talking to a stranger on a commuter train and she kept referring to "Rick," ie, "Rick and I also liked that movie." 'Who the f__k is Rick?' I wanted to say, but didn't.

When there's no "my friend Rick," or "my husband Rick," the person is manipulating you into asking them them..."Who is Rick?", in the same way the LW's friend is inviting her to ask, "Why are you getting chemo?"

Who knows why some people can't be upfront and direct? I have never understood peoples' private games.

If I told someone: "I'm having chemo," I'd frankly think it strange if they didn't ask me why. If I didn't want anyone to know I was having chemo for an ailment, cancer or otherwise...guess what...I wouldn't mention it.