Letters to the Editor
Betsy1
Published Letters: 28 Editor's Choice: 5
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Clearly no one here reads Savage Love
[Read the article: Guarding boys with Gardasil?]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]or someone would have pointed out that Dan Savage noted the huge increase in the likelihood of throat cancer among those who practice oral sex, due to HPV. Last time I checked, most heterosexual men perform oral sex, and thus, getting vaccinated wouldn't just protect women and gay men, but straight men as well. Maybe that'll persuade insurers to cover it. (rolls eyes)
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p.s.
[Read the article: Guarding boys with Gardasil?]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]Oh, and realname? Last time I checked, HPV was a sexually transmitted disease. This means that it's not just the "ladies" whose "houses" need cleaning, unless we're having all-lesbian-sex, all-the-time.
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looking beyond the cruelty
[Read the article: I was betrayed by people I trusted]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]Dear LW,
I agree with what most people have said here - this is something that happens to many of us**; it is a fairly recent wound, in your case, so of course you're still feeling the pain; and just because they said things doesn't make them true, right, or definitive. And I'm so sorry this happened to you - it's an awful thing, and they'll probably never take responsibility for their cruelty, even to themselves.
But there's one piece of advice I haven't seen that I think could be helpful - one of the best ways to stop hating yourself is to think beyond yourself. I'm sure you're not as ugly as you think. But regardless, there are so many ways you can be useful and needed in the world (and you probably already are). Volunteer or work for a cause you believe in. When you start focusing on things you can do, rather than straining and struggling to judge what you are, life (in my experience) becomes much more rewarding.
**When I switched to a private school in 5th and 6th grades, I was nerdy and shy and physically awkward, and my classmates took to calling me "dog." The one girl who was nice to me at first stopped talking to me one day without warning or explanation. It was hell, and I remember every bit of it. I'm now 27. I did get over it, a few years later, by finding people who liked me and respected me for the things I was good at. But it took me even longer than that to believe that i wasn't ugly.
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I wish the mainstream media were more scientifically literate.
[Read the article: Is a "feminine" man likely to be a family guy?]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]Allie, that's exactly what I wondered, having participated in other annoying studies myself. They don't let you say, "neither" or "how could I possibly tell that from looking at his face?" It completely stacks the deck and, in my opinion, proves nothing.
Moreover, the fact that a study can show that people do any given thing does not explain it; it merely describes it. It doesn't prove that it's biological, cultural, or coincidental; just that it happens. In their sample set. Grrrr.
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hate football, love this show
[Read the article: And the Buffy goes to ...]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]I hate football. I went to high school in Texas, and I utterly disdained high school football. But I adore this show. Football here is mainly a symbol of different individuals' goals and dreams and disappointments. I think the problem with its ratings might be that a lot of the people who would appreciate it are like, "oh, it's a show about football, that's the last thing i want to watch;" and a lot of hardcore football fans watched one episode and were turned off by all the emotional nuance and complicated relationships (also, the relative lack of actual scenes of people playing football).
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No one who's experienced severe depression should read this essay.
[Read the article: Don't be a morose teenager]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]Nothing like being told that cheerfulness is an act of will when you're struggling not to think of yourself as an utter failure of a human being because it's all you can do to get out of bed in the morning, and maybe you can't even do that sometimes.
Though I haven't experienced it myself, I've watched firsthand as my partner descended into the blackest depression I've ever seen and finally, after two years, got the help he needed (therapeutic and chemical) to climb out of that pit. It makes me shake with anger when people act like if he's only stopped moping around and feeling sorry for himself, he would have been fine. Sure, there are lots of people who could use a bracing talking-to. But for those with real depression, nothing could be less helpful.
Also, what a limited way to think of art! There is no single purpose to works of great art; they're certainly not all intended to help us be cheery.
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fame and talent are not always coterminus
[Read the article: My sister is a famous designer -- and I'm not!]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]Wow. You did an amazing job describing your feelings and thoughts, which makes it easy to completely empathize with them. I COMPLETELY understand. They're poisonous, these feelings, and they hurt so much, and it is so hard to stop them. Because when you try to follow Cary's (excellent today, though I often disagree with it) advice, it might feel like like you're deluding or lying to yourself, and then you beat yourself up double. But that's not true. You are not deluding yourself. The part of you that's constantly undermining the value of your work is that part that's deluded.
It's also worth remembering - talent and fame don't always go hand in hand. So much amazing creative work is done by people who get little-to-no recognition for it, because the breaks didn't fall their way. Sometimes they develop a reputation when it's too late to do them any good; sometimes they never do. But that doesn't diminish their work. So - the fact that you haven't achieved fame doesn't mean you're not talented. Remember that fact.