Why is this cosmo-esque? I read it fairly closely, and I remember nothing about "10 ways to make your man moan." Oh wait, I know: it's about WOMEN. And issues that are presumed (wrongly) to affect only women. And about feminism, though that's a topic not often tackled in the glossy pages of Cosmopolitan.

I too am tired of articles about how hard it is to balance work and family. But that's because I'm also tired of the unequal distribution of the burden. Talk to me about high-quality, affordable child care, talk to me about reasonable working hours for both men AND women. Do not talk to me about nannies, hired help, or staying home full time being solutions; regardless of any ideological issues, they are NOT FEASIBLE for most families.

We can't let books like Flanagan's go unchallenged.

I'm as excited about menstruation as the next girl (i.e., not very), but I worry about one consequence of eliminating periods. Unless these contraceptives are 100% effective (which no pill is) then the absence of periods takes away the one way women know early on that they have an unintended pregnancy. How will they find out early enough to have as easy and safe an abortion as possible, or to start planning for motherhood or adoption?

I would like to reiterate 2 things that many others have said:

One: everyone who objects to this on the grounds of "messing with your body" must also object to *any* hormonal contraception, because the period you get on the regular pill is NOT like the one you would have otherwise.

Two: that nonetheless, women might be wary of taking it for fear of losing their early warning system. Taking regular pregnancy tests would solve that problem, certainly, but how many people are going to be as diligent about that as they intend at the beginning, or even think of it at all? Even the best of us have trouble remembering to do a once-a-month task like that with perfect regularity; life gets busy, it's the last thing on your mind, and the next thing you know it's been two and a half months since you've checked and you might well be 10 weeks along in a pregnancy.

I don't think the latter fear is grounds for not selling the new pill, but I do think that when prescribing it, doctors ought to be required to really push hard the importance of the regular pregnancy tests.

I can't believe how few people have commented on the deep and deeply intertwined racism and sexism in the letter. This man is unbelievably condescending to the object of his fantasy, to the point of not caring about the content of her words and thoughts because her "chinglish" is so "endearing." He says his fantasies aren't sexual, but they can't really be much else, can they? "She sent me a link to her blog, which is all in Chinese, but whatever." That "whatever" sums up his utter indifference to his crush's words and ideas.

Of course we all have fantasies about other people, and we all imagine people to be other than what they are when we first meet them. But usually, a part of that fantasy is the desire to get to know everything about that person, especially their hopes, fears, and ideas. But this fantasy is based on the absence of such communion.

The idea that some commenters are putting forth all Asian women are the same, whether it's a romantic ideal or negative and misogynist stereotype, is just what StefanMuc said: profoundly stupid. That shouldn't even need to be said. But after reading Catbird's most recent post, I realize that the fundamental problem for some of the people saying these things isn't just racism, it's a severe suspicion and hatred of women. These are men who hold out hope that *somewhere* in the world they'll find a nice, sweet, submissive woman to service all their needs and desires, and then feel cheated when it turns out she's an actual human being.

My boyfriend LOVES my hair; when I brought up the prospect of trimming so I could wear a non-boy-shorts bathing suit, he got sad. It's so wonderful not to have to shave, wax, or otherwise submit myself to physical discomfort. I always hated shaving, and I regard waxing as paying someone to torture you. If we did that to prisoners it would be against the geneva conventions. I hope we never break up, if only so that I never have to face the dilemma of dating a man who wants my vagina to look like that of an 8 year old.

Two things - first, Anonymous was exactly right in his/her takedown of Cary's (and many other people's) dreamy romanticization of the American university. The expanding use of adjuncts is scandalous. As a graduate student in the humanities, I hope I never have to choose between taking an adjunct position and leaving the field entirely. I love teaching, but not enough to take on that workload for the pittance they pay you for it.

Second, regarding LW's unwillingness to write a good letter of recommendation - nothing he/she said about the other teacher indicated why LW would be so hesitant. Having strong, even "radical," opinions that are forcefully expressed has nothing to do with whether or not she is a good teacher in her field. It sounded a lot more like LW just didn't like the person very much, resented having to feel grateful to her, and was (consciously or unconsciously) sabatoging her job prospects and feeling guilty about it. Unless there's a job-related reason LW feels he/she can't recommend the woman, for God's sake, do it like you mean it. The academic field depends more on personal recommendations than most industries, and by offering lukewarm endorsements, LW is truly hurting her chances.