Letters to the Editor
jb
Published Letters: 14 Editor's Choice: 4
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racism cuts both ways
[Read the article: I Like to Watch]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]I was disappointed Heather didn't talk about the experience of the black family dressed up as white. Certainly, I never see an exploration of whites' experiences in a black neigbhorhood. As a white woman living in Harlem, I can tell you that if the only racism i had experienced while living here was someone telling me that I would be accepted because I wasn't like "other whites" I'd cheer. My first few months here I got rather obnoxious racist comments from people (yes black people) on the street. A few were nice though - as in "welcome to Harlem" or a sweet older woman assuming I was visiting offering me directions. Lately, the comments have died down, I don't know if it's because there are more whites moving here, because the neighbors have gotten used to me. I was truly amazed what white men experienced here. A friend - a white male - was walking home from the subway in broad day light talking on the phone dressed in "business casual" (not exactly dripping in expensive clothes.) While my friend was minding his own business, a black teenager punched him and ran off. He didn't try to rob him or anything like that, he just punched him. I'm sure if it was the reversed skin color of black victim and white aggressor, there would be no doubt it was a hate crime, as I believe this was. I've walked through the tougher parts of Harlem on occasion with no problem and then walked through the same areas with my (white) boyfriend and was amazed at the dirty looks he got from black men. Racism cuts both ways. Frankly, my opinion is that yes, there is racism, and it hurts blacks more than whites in most cases, but it's economics and cultural norms that are keeping blacks down in more cases than racism. Growing up in an environment where education is villified, respect for one's environment and neighbors is missing and unhealthy habits from bad nutrition to unprotected sex and early pregnancy all are far worse detriments, whether the person is black or white. It happens that more blacks are living in those conditions. I see hard working black families doing their best to elevate their status economically and they're on their way. I live among plenty of blacks that have already made it. THe difference between the once who've made it and the once who haven't isn't the shade of their skin but the values they either grew up with or acquired.
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harlem
[Read the article: I Like to Watch]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]squatty - i have no hatred of the people to whose neigbhorhood i moved. The mention of the ol lady was descriptive, just as my reference to the teen who clocked my friend was descriptive. If it were a young woman, I'd describe her as such. The cultural norms do not refer to black culture or white culture, they refer to the cultural norms that permeate most people in poverty. My friend who got clocked lived in Harlem as do I. We both moved from "whiter" neighborhoods where we couldn't afford to live anymore but neither of us have clocked the bankers or trust fund kids who pushed us out. It's amazing how people blame victims - yes, that kid may have some hatred of white men, but does that justify his action? Does the action of a white men who's afraid of blacks for whatever reason justify him acting violently? No I'm sure you'd say. Don't give me your double standards. I wouldn't have moved to a black neighborhood if I were a racist. Perhaps if you validated the experiences of all people rather than calling them racists for not liking being punched or insulted for their color you'd see a lot more understanding.
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assumptions
[Read the article: I Like to Watch]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]Squatty - I didn't use her essay as an excuse to drop a "trite" story - i was referencing the one incident of racism described by heather involving the white womanpassing as black woman who was new to a white neighborhood.
You're making a whole lot of assumptions about what I meant and they're condescending, wrong and yes, racist. Who are you to say my experience is "trite"? Don't project your grand scheme of black vs. white battles onto me. It's too be bad you don't want to be understood, because I do. Call me naive but i think it helps people to grow to understand others.
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uneven finances
[Read the article: My boyfriend's family has money, but I have none]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]I was in a similar situation once - very rich boyfriend, me unemployed and poor. And while i thought intellectually that having a rich boyfriend should be great, i felt powerless and reminded of my insecurity about not having money every time he paid for something. I realized much of my concerns were the result of the fact that there's so much focus on money and basically valuing people by how much they have that you internalize it and think, wow, i must be a failure if i can't afford that. And i was younger and his money was completely inherited. So the compromise was making sure he understood my family and my financial situation, which he was surprisingly open minded about and reminding him that i couldn't afford certain things and finding a comfort zone. I became ok with him buying dinner, not ok with buying me a dress to an event he invited me to. You figure out your comfort level, and it got better over time. In the end, he ended up using his money as a way to get his way - "well I spent so much money on you...." at which point things ended. But that's a different story. Good luck. Don't let your discomfort end a potentially good relationship if you can work through it.