Letters to the Editor
Pluutoe
Published Letters: 10
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LIFE . . . "it's always somethin"
[Read the article: Just when I thought I was going to be fine, they say I'm bipolar]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]As a fellow BPer, I understand the LW feelings all too well. But BiPolar is just a label. As another person already commented, you've probably been bipolar to some extent your whole life and you have been an accomplished person. Now because somebody can put a "name" to your recent temporary meltdown, the diagnosis seems difficult to swallow, as you tread water in the deep-end of darkness and despair. Regardless of what anybody says, unless a person has experienced being stuck at the bottom of the deepest, darkest pit and then to the highest point of absolute euphoria, there is NO comprehension of BP.
By no means was I happy to hear someone put a "name" to my meltdown either. But what bothers me more than "bipolar" is "mental illness". I am no more mentally ill than anybody else when I think about how many kooky people are running around in this world who have never been diagnosed with a thing. I feel like the "illness" is more like a "brain or nerve injury". Like a concussion that temporarily changes a person's behavior and outlook. Indeed, it would be far easier on most BPer's attitude of acceptance if this illness was not associated with being "mental". The stigma of mental illness is still a huge problem.
Half the battle of a BP diagnosis is forevermore being labeled as mentally ill. It takes just as much of a effort to "HIDE" the illness from others as it does to stabilize the problem. In fact, one of the most terrifying things about a BP diagnosis is the stigma. It's a life threatning medical issue, yet in most cases few sufferers will admit to having it. Unlike other illneses, there will be little compassion because no one knows that you are fighting for your life while attempting to live a life that hopefully appears normal to others. If the issue is "shared" with anyone, you live in fear of that person sharing the information with someone else and so on down the line. And unless a person has lived the life there is no understanding as to why you CAN'T just "get over it" or "pull yourself up by your bootstraps".
I never thought of myself as a weak person, never. I grew up in a family where "never let them see ya sweat" was the RULE. I always thought I could do anything and everything, and everyone else thought I could too. This was the mania. For 38 years the mania always beat back the darkness that was always there too. But one day, in my 38th year, the wheels just came spinning off. I had no idea what was happening or how I appeared to others. But my behavior/illness was bad enough to cost me everything, absolutely everything, except my life.
I never thought much about suicide. Maybe once or twice. Not because of the illness but because of the absolute despair in my life of ruin, caused by the illness. There is a keen distinction between cause and effect and that is seldom talked about. It is also no one elses business if a person deems their own life as worthless. Life may be precious, but maybe not in the eyes of every beholder. Life is not equal. In some cases, it is nothing but unrelenting agony and no point to suffering further.
I am now 51 and for the first time in 12 years, I feel okay. Not great, but okay. The medication keeps me "stable" but feeling DEAD.
And so I begin again. But hey, how many people are lucky enough to get to start their lives all over again at 51. Just lucky I guess. But I still have my sense of humor (really!) and my cat still loves me or so he says . . .
And it is true . . . if you have your health, you DO have everything.
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Good Use of Man power
[Read the article: Out of jail, into the Army]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]I personally have no problem with people being granted waivers to serve in the army. There are thousands of people rotting in jail cells or whom are unemployed after a sentence or probationary period. Since so many of the charges are petty and clogging up the prison system let these people give the army a try. No doubt that some of those recruits who were in gangs already known how to survive in an organization with a strongly respected pecking order and might do very well.
I don't mean to make light of the subject but maybe we can start a few special units filled with convicted killers to go after terrorists. No doubt Bin Laden would drop his shorts if left in the hands of some of our most accomplished murders.