Letters to the Editor
Monkeypants
Published Letters: 2
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Unspoken
[Read the article: My wife wants to join the Peace Corps]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]While my first impulse is to agree with Cary about Wanderlusty's wandering wife, on reflection, I feel that it was only half of what's needed.
Wanderlusty specified that during the years before their marriage, his wife talked about her desire to join the Peace Corps. While Wanderlusty might have gotten married to her under the assumption that they were settling down together, his wife might well have been assuming that, in marrying her, he knew she was probably going to run off and join the Peace Corps at some point. From the text we have here, it sounds like Wanderlusty may have even hinted that he'd be willing to go, too.
Now his wife is ready to go, she may be dismayed that he's not ready to pick up and go save the Third World with her. While my first response was indignation that someone would run off and abandon a new spouse after a year of marriage - don't you straight people value the institution? - this sounds like a case of things unspoken. It would be a shame if Wanderlusty didn't acknowledge this in talking to her about it.
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Context
[Read the article: "Show me your hose"]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]A problem here is that we only know the story as reported, so readers are having to fill in a lot of blanks. Someone mentioned that firefighters have to attend a lot of crappy parades; if that's correct, it changes things.
Attendees of a parade are going to have very little idea that firemen in attendance aren't, y'know, the gay firemen from the department. "Show me your hose!" has a very different meaning depending on whether it's being directed at a fellow gay guy or at a deeply uncomfortable straight guy.
"Fuck firemen!"... well, I'd have to hear the tone in which it was said. There's very little chance that that isn't what it sounds like. That's not okay.
That said, I don't believe the city of San Diego is responsible for the fact that some people behaved inappropriately. Nor is it responsible for some of the firemen feeling that they were in a hostile environment because, generally speaking, they weren't. Queer folk generally like firefighters about as much as everybody else.
Being ordered by one's job to participate in a parade is the direct intersection between one's job and reality. My concern is that the men were placed in a context in which they would likely be assumed as gay and, thus, get treated as gay men. This might be educational, but is more likely to be scary.
I won't even try to open the can of worms that is the difference between gay->gay, man->woman, gay man->straight man harrassment. Unless it's workplace and there's a power dynamic involved... you don't have other implicit considerations like the possibility of being overpowered. A sharp "no" and a roll of the eyes is all I need to fend off some troll wanting to see my hose. It SHOULD be all a straight man needs, too, but I understand that it's more complicated than that. A straight guy relatively cool with gays is going to experience additional discomfort trying to figure out how to turn the guy down without being offensive, and a straight guy not cool with gays is going to have an even tougher time.