Letters to the Editor
CarpeDevine
Published Letters: 7
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Your Poor Wife
[Read the article: My wife is terrible on the cellphone!]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]The technical advice is very smart, but what I want to know is if this happens when she calls you, or when you call her.
Because I feel empathy for your wife. My cell has added little to my life, but been the catalyst (and sometimes the cause) of much stress. First of all, I hate feeling obliged to respond to the Pavlovian nightmare. Your blood pressure goes up when you dial, imagine how she feels when you make a bell ring on her person, and do not doubt that most husbands do treat it as their wife’s obligation to answer.
Think about that for a moment. You make a bell ring and expect her to respond.
And what for? How many true emergencies, and I mean REAL problems, has the phone diverted? Probably NONE. But if you are like all other cell phone users I know you use it to change plans at the last minuet and ask her to run errands. In other words, to add stress to her life.
Then while you are at it you add in a dose of anxiety, I’m checking in on you because I expect you to be in danger/trouble. I don’t trust you to navigate through your own life without being presided over by the omniscient ear of ME.
And now there is a new layer, she doesn’t do it well enough, she isn’t up to your snuff, and believe me she hears that in your voice.
She responds to your bell like a well trained pup but she is flustered, out of the house, concentrating on something else, probably had to fish it out of a handbag, and after that the damn thing doesn’t sound right--
but you expect her to be gracious about it.
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Out with the old
[Read the article: Dear Sir, I write today to say that I cannot write]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]Dear LW, writing is your past.
We can never go back, we can’t return to the way things were when we had fulfillment, or what felt at the time like comfort. But sadly, while we can’t return, we can stagnate; some even die of the sadness of loss.
Moving on often seems impossible because we cannot see clearly into the future. Fretting and hovering over the carcass of the past love may seem less dangerous than stepping into the fearful void of the future – but as those who live “one day at a time” learn, the future isn’t empty, it brings new life and new loves to those who are open to them.
I have confidence that your creative impulse will well back up and brim over – as Cary pointed out, you are writing something. But you have to make room for it by brushing out the old. I’d say you made a great start by getting rid of your old writing. Keep purging, cleanse, clear clutter, give things away, turn your home into an open receptive canvas and your creativity will rise like the tide, a force of your nature, inevitable and fulfilling.
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Take charge of the relationship
[Read the article: I secretly hate myself]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]I think the LW should dump the evil parents. She owes them nothing. She mentioned being greatful for the things they gave her, like an education, but gifts from manipulative people are a form of manipulation.
I once had a step parent who I cut out of my life completely. Self respect required that I take ownership in the relationsip, and I choose to end it. Initially it was like a charade, I pretended that we had nothing to do with eachother and it was almost silly. But it was real, and now I am free.
Best of luck
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Disapproval
[Read the article: I'm a condo parking-spot hoarder!]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]I often have a similar emotional reaction to quasi-reasonable requests, and after thinking “I resent that I have to think about this” I realize that I am very critical of the their choices.
We often consider approval a virtue, and disapproval a “judgmental” vice. Yet the truth is that approval and disapproval are both judgments, and I think the letter writer may benefit from giving herself explicit permission to be disapproving and have feelings about her boyfriend moving in, or her adding another vehicle to the household, or about how she has taken advantage of your generosity. This doesn’t mean stewing, but trying to avoid having negative thoughts or feelings is a downward spiral.
Try saying or dropping a note to the effect that “I have considered your request, and I have decided not to rent the space.” I agree with others who recommend against making excuses or offering explanations. And then, matter-of-factly call the Homeowners Association every time anyone violates your space.
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Brown eyed handsom man
[Read the article: I'm strange. But am I authentically strange? ]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]Can't choose a man? One of the sweet problems in life. I think this calls for some Chuck Berry Wisdom:
Beautiful daughter couldn't make up her mind
Between a Doctor and a Lawyer man
Her Mother told her, "Darlin' go out and find yourself
a Brown Eyed Handsom Man.
just like you'r daddy
he's a Brown Eyed Handsom Man."
In other words, if neither man is so inspiring that there is no question, scrap 'em both and start over.
I think it is great that you know you don't want to have children, I have seen too many children who were accidents or accessories, and each one is a heartbreak. I just thought I'd mention that dating an older man BECAUSE you don't want kids is off the mark. Old men can get you pregnant, just to state the obvious.
Speaking of Old people, the ageism from Salon readers often saddens me. Being young doesn't mean you can't be serious, or know what you want, or have a solid identity, or make and keep a commitment. Just like being old doesn't mean you know squat, or that you have anything figured out. These are matters of character, not age.