Having grown up with numerous servants, and done a lot of traveling in the third world, I find part of the lw story unbeliveable.

The servants would not steal the money. They know if the emplolyer believe any one of them took the money, that all three will be fired. They also know that their employer will quickly find out from the community if any of their servants, or the servant's family, came into a large sum or money.

They have a good job. They get first dibs on the discards of of their employers. In the third world, a lot of first world employers also help out the house servants by arranging for medical care, paying school fees for childern, etc.

If it were my daughter, I would have reimbursed the hosts, then had a talking to my daughter. She, not her boyfriend, would have had the option of (1) reimbursing me for the $1,000 or (2) suffering the consquences. I don't know what the consequences would be, but at a minimum, the next time she and her boyfriend went traveling, they better have some other place to stay. They definitely will not be the house guests of my friends.

SJ

I think the LW is doing a great job. I would rather she her be a tightwad than a spendthrift. If and when the crunch comes (i.e., her husband loses his job, one of them gets seriously sick, etc.,) the $300,000 in savings will offer them the freedom from worry that most people will not enjoy.

I know far too many people who (1) have high income and (2) are living from paycheck to paycheck. Any bumps in the road and they are toast.

SJ

Assuming the LW's husband will support her actions, I training the mother-in-law the same way you would train a puppy. Every time my golden retriever puppy jumped on me or my spouse, she got kneed and fell flat on her back. It took her two days to learn she should not jump on us.

If the mother-in-law misbehaves, punish her. If she comes over unannouced, don't let her in. If she refuses to hand the child back, go and take it, and then ask her and her husband to leave your house. Instead of having dinner at your or her house, meet them somewhere public for dinner. If she cries at dinner, leave the restaurant. She will quickly learn.

SJ

The friend is not a child. At some predetermined time, start cleaning up the apartment and show your guest the door. At a later predetermined time (10-30 mintues later), tell anyone leaving that they have to leave now. If they don't leave, throw them out. If you cannot throw them out, call the cops.

SJ

When I was single, many many years ago, my rule was simple:

If they are not living together, engaged, or married, everyone was fair game. One never knows when you will meet the great love of your life.

So go for it. The worse that will happen is that you will be rejected. The best is that can happen is that you will meet your soulmate.

SJ

After reading this letter, my only words of advice are simple "Don't get married." No one in this relationship is ready.

It is one things to remain friendly with an ex, but this situation has gone far beyond this.

Personally I keep in touch with my ex-high school girlfriend. Once a year, I send her an electronic birthday card. And once a year she sends me an electronic birthday card. In each of our cards, we bring the other up to date with what has been going on with our lives.

SJ

In early November 2005, another on-line advice columnist had a very similar letter dealing with a woman's relationship problem with her husband's 10 year-old stepson.

While this letter has a lot more detail, some of the language is the same. I prefer the other's columnist advice: the letterwriter should dump this marriage and leave. That way she will only be a "blip in both of their lives."

SJ

As a published author with over 100 articles (I have lost count) and five books, I say “welcome to the club.” Now get started on your second book.

Seriously, I am never satisfied with any of my books or articles, but deadlines need to be met if I want to eat. So I just promse myself that my book will be better than than the preceding.

Go out tonight and have a great time. Tomorrow morning, start working.

You got a cheap lesson in real life with only a $1000 loss.

Years ago, my late father ran an insurance company. He relished each time a policy owner came up with a new method to cheat the company. When I asked him why, his response was simple: these people take us for small amounts and it keeps us on our toes. It prevents us from losing really big money.

Credit that $1,000 loss toward your education. Now the trick is the next time you go into business with anyone, you take steps to protect yourself.

SJ

If you bought the house and you name is on the title, then it is part of the public record. If it is part of the public record, sooner or later (most likely sooner) your secret will become known to everyone you are trying to keep it from.

What is worse for your daughter: you telling her about this secret house or someone else telling her.

SJ