Letters to the Editor
Aunt Paula
Published Letters: 7 Editor's Choice: 1
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Help is available
[Read the article: I am depressed, but that's not really the problem, is it?]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]Please, PLEASE don't give up on finding help based on your lack of insurance coverage. I am a counselor who works primarily with people in crisis, in a pretty resource-impaired area of the country, and there are clinics here that provide services on a sliding-fee scale to people who need it. This is not based on an ability to pay; it is based on need. The writer who suggested finding a counselor and seeing your physician for medication evaluation is absolutely correct--by far, the people with whom I work have few financial resources, and this combination is a frequent recommendation. There are several benefits: Particularly if you have a relationship with your physician, you may be amazed to find how receptive he or she will be to helping, and it is a less expensive option than finding a psychiatrist, which makes it more accessible to many people. Many physicians also know therapists to whom they can make referrals. The wait time for an appointment with a family physician is also generally much shorter, and if the doctor sees the need, he or she can always refer you to a psychiatrist. Please look in your telephone book under "mental health" and start dialing. I am certain that you can find help.
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Bonding
[Read the article: Ricki Lake's "awesome" vagina]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]I am the mother of a son who was born six weeks ago by cesarean section. My preference was for a vaginal delivery, but medical circumstances necessitated surgery. I have a really hard time with the assertion that mothers who deliver by c-section somehow have impaired bonding with their babies. My bonding with my son was not contingent upon his being born via my vagina, but upon his being my son. Our bonding was not postponed until the moment of or contingent upon the pathway of birth; it began when I learned I was expecting him, and continued as we weathered what fortunately turned out to be unfounded concerns about how he was developing, and continued still when I felt him move inside me, and as we made preparations for his arrival. To define this bonding as an experience that can be reduced to a single event--and to assert that having one type of birth or another is necessary for bonding to occur well--is to completely miss the concept, in my opinion. I think it's great that Ricki Lake had a wonderful experience with her home birth, and I am sorry Ms. Epstein was not able to have that experience if she wanted it. Not everyone who has a hospital birth, surgical or not, is disappointed, particularly if that birth results in the delivery of a healthy baby.
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Definitely her body
[Read the article: I don't want more kids but my wonderful husband does]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]A previous poster asks if the LW's body is ever her own. My immediate response is that it certainly is. And was when she became pregnant, regardless of insistence on doing so (or at least on not taking permanent measures to prevent doing so) by her doctor or her husband or anyone else. Bottom line, regardless of who pleads or begs or recommends or suggests, if someone wants to play the it's-my-body card, he or she is responsible for playing it the whole way through, not just after choosing to acquiesce to advice, however reluctantly said acquiescence came about.
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?
[Read the article: My sister is having an illicit affair]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]The primary thing that jumps out at me is Cary's questioning "why women do these things to each other". Each other?? From where I sit, big-city sister does not have a commitment to her boyfriend's (for lack of a better term) wife; HE does! Certainly I can understand having questions about the sister's reasons for her behavior, but frankly, it is the man's responsibility to honor his commitment to his wife or not, and if he chooses not to, that too is his responsibility. Obviously big-city girl has her own things to deal with, but they are hers to address in her time, when she chooses to do so, not when her sister, who has already agreed to keep her confidence, chooses. A good example of why not to agree to be part of people's secrets, maybe.
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Trump's tramps
[Read the article: Trump's tramps]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]Is it just me, or is there incredible irony in Donald Trump's "refining" anything?
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My two cents
[Read the article: I'm an analytical chemist with a two-body problem]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]Take the Toronto position. I agree with another poster, who said that a mature person will be able to see this as a stepping stone, not an obstacle. You have described her as insecure and immature at times, and going to Berkeley alone may be an excellent "maturer", after which the two of you, if you are still so inclined, can reassess where you stand with each other. At least then you could make those decisions as two mature people instead of there even being the possibility that you are following her as a way of deferring to her insecurity (or whatever term you may feel is more appropriate). Take the job, make your contacts, see how you feel away from her; with the understanding that this will be a temporary position, nothing says you can't move later. And nothing says you can't maintain contact while you're apart. My belief is that one way to find out if you can live without her is to try; then you never have to wonder about whether she, as you said, acted as the catalyst for a major decision that you regret.
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He's a big boy....
[Read the article: My husband won't do his laundry]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]Let him wash his own clothes. If you don't do them, sooner or later he will make the connection between his (eventual) desire/need for clean clothes and the washing machine conveniently located in your laundry room.