Letters to the Editor
yehudi
Published Letters: 26 Editor's Choice: 6
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F.E.A.R. = False Expectations Appearing Real
[Read the article: I'm 18 and afraid it's time to break up with my first boyfriend]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]Being stuck in a relationship you don't want to be in can permanently scar you, and make it hard to have relationships in the future, so I say definitely get out now. Whatever your future is going to be like, I would predict with some confidence that it won't be anything like what you fear. That's not to say it will be better or worse in terms of the problems you'll face, just a lot different. One of the things I notice about problems life throws at me is that they're never the ones I prepared myself for by worrying, and that's why they can be such intense learning experiences, because they involve the unknown, rather than the known and anticipated.
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Pome #3
[Read the article: I'm younger than that now]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]La vie est breve,
Un peu de reve,
Un peu d'amour,
Et puis, bonjour.
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I thought it was
[Read the article: "Bush's policies are accelerating climate change"]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]succinct rather than superficial, perfect for me to read during my coffee break, and I like when experts offer simple definitions of complex phenomena like globalization, a word I often use and hear used without being entirely sure that I know what it means, not that I don't understand the limitations of the soundbyte version.
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Borderline Personality Disorder
[Read the article: My mother's sister is a psychopath!]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]Arrrgh! is right. I recognize Goneril's behavior all too well since I've encountered this kind of thing a few times in my life. Your mother sounds like exactly the kind of person who is a magnet for these people, who, a psychologist friend of mine told me are described as having a Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD). If you google this term you'll find websites about it, maybe some moral support, and tips on how to deal with it. What's most frustrating about dealing with someone like this is that they make you behave like them, and it can be hard not to sound like the crazy one when you're both trying to explain yourselves to neutral authorities, especially as Borderlines are master manipulators and liars. I'm currently dealing with more than one such personality in my own life, although I don't have an elderly mother in the equation, and I've chosen not to engage in war because these people fight dirty, and I have too much to lose. The result is that I've become isolated in my community, and am the victim of an insane truth distorting campaign which I'm just trying to outlast. I wish you luck.
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Wear a breastplate!
[Read the article: My new roommate arrived ... with mom attached!]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]Here's what I've learned from conflicts that I've been involved in: most people fight dirty. When you stand up for yourself in a way that interferes with their will. they call you names, distort the truth, tell outright lies to and about you, and often feel totally justified in doing so because they've put you in some category of otherness like "fucking weirdo" or "bastard" that means they no longer have to consider you as a human being. Instead of retaliating, I think it's best to use the legitimate weapons at your disposal, such as the roommate agreement Cary suggested, or the landlord, or the cops, and if by fighting dirty they end up 'winning', then just get out of there. I'd take my losses an move house, as I did myself recently.
I read somewhere, and I can't remember where, that if my enemy attacks me and I retaliate, it's as if they fired an arrow at me that I caught and plunged into my own heart. If they attack me and I get angry but don't retaliate, it's as if they fired an arrow that bounced off my breastplate and went back into my enemy's heart. And if my enemy attacks me and I don't get angry at all, it's as if they fired an arrow and it went straight into their own heart. I'm not enough of a saint to achieve the third one, but I do my best to rise to the second.
It can be hard to forgive people who've won an unjust victory over you, and it's in such situations that religious ways of looking at things start to make sense to me again. Anyway, your situation hasn't yet escalated to the extent I'm envisaging here, and here's hoping it won't.
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law school
[Read the article: I don't want to be a doctor!]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]A professor of mine who had a ph.d in English and a JD always used to say that if, after graduation, you don't know what you want to do, do law. If you end up deciding it's not for you, the reasons why it's not for you will be very instructive in guiding you towards what you do want to do, while the skills you acquire in the process of deciding you hate it will always be useful to you. And if you do like it, well, great!