Just the other night I was at a show and some guy nudged my friend and asked her if she was ‘cool.’ My friend replied that she was really very warm – she didn’t even see the joint the guy was trying to hand her.

I’ve never used eHarmony – but on most of the edgier, younger dating sites ‘clean’ has an agreed upon meaning. If someone is looking for a ‘clean’ partner it has to do with drugs and STDs. It’s an opportunity to get that safe sex conversation rolling as it begs the question, ‘what is clean to you?’

That said – it’s pretty clear to me that in this context they’re talking about being neat and tidy. Like I said – it’s really very funny.

I live in NYC and I know lots of young women in their 20s who make over 100K. And yet no one in this NYT article was even a little bit familiar. The truth is I don’t know too many successful women (or men) in their 20s who are looking for a serious relationship. Most young people I know are happily playing the field into their 30s (and that’s still very young these days). They’re not looking to get married, have a couple of kids and buy a few rooms full of Pottery Barn furniture even if they can.

The successful 20-somethings I know are still young people. They enjoy rock shows, cool bars and eclectic groups of friends. For a young woman who works 70 hours week a guy with fewer work responsibilities but tons of social ins (like an artist, musician or bartender) is golden as that affords her the social outlet she might otherwise be lacking – I see that pairing all the time in NYC.

I’m endlessly shocked that people who don’t seem to know a thing about each other think it’s cool to get married. Money, children, work, home – these are all things that need to be hashed out well before you even think of marriage.

I think this little list from the NYT is a good start.

http://www.nytimes.com/2006/12/17/fashion/weddings/17FIELDBOX.html?_r=1&oref=slogin

That really was priceless. I think I’m going to try that argument at home tonight :)

It seems odd to me that the people who have never seen the show hold such strong opinions. After seeing it myself I have a feeling all the news drama is going to completely die down as the kids seemed happy, excited and perfectly capable. It’s not Lord of the Flies. Not by a long shot.

And it’s totally obvious adults are present – the TV audience is just isn’t seeing it.

I also grew up in a pretty little suburb of NYC. My step-dad told me about all of his bad drug experiences when I was about 11. We had just visited an old, toothless friend of his who was not doing well. I asked my step-dad what he was sick with and I ended up getting the drug talk on the car ride back. I don’t think he intended it to be a ‘scared straight’ moment – but it was for me.

This old, toothless friend of his, I soon learned, was a 20-something addict with HIV. My step-dad spoke about doing heroin with him in some basement in Paris years before and how he (my step-dad) was sick for 3 days and he never felt the urge to touch it again even though all of his friends assured him the second time would be awesome. We talked about his jumpy, crazed guy my mom used to date (a real ass-hole) and my step-dad told me all about cocaine and what that did to you.

At the time I had some X-Men ‘just say no’ era comics I got through school (God, I wish I’d kept those). There was a chart in the back that listed a whole bunch of drugs along with the street name – from weed to horse they were all presented as equally dangerous. My step-dad went thought that list with me and we highlighted the really bad ones that I should forever avoid. He also told me the few that could wait for collage – and don’t you know I have always avoided the bad ones and I did wait for collage to dabble with the couple of things on that ‘approved’ list.

I don’t recall talking about why people do drugs in the first place. I recall knowing that it must be fun while you’re doing it – I was more interested in the price you pay for that fun and that was the talk I got.