Remember H. Ross Perot's "great big sucking sound"?

Turns out that is the white house press corps on their knees before George.

WWWOOOOOOOOOSSSSHHHHHH

"He's just a real good guy," says the Fox News correspondent, wiping presidential man-juice from his chin, and rubbing a little spittle through his hair.

WWWWWWOOOOOOOOOOOOOSSSSSSSHHHHHHHHHHH

"But that Howard Dean guy, now, he was a fruit-loop. Can you imagine what might've happened to this country if he'd been elected?"

WWWWWWWOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOSSSSSSSSSSSSHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

~

[stop cameras]

baaAAAArghh

The correspondent retches up regurgitated POTUS-cum onto his lapel. Like an over-suckled babe -- or a porn actress after one-too-many cocks uncorked down her throat -- he can no longer keep it all down.

"God - excuse me..."

Certainly.

"What is that noise?"

Oops. Turns out we were wrong. That great big sucking sound?

That is America going down the toilet.

"Believe it or not, I have no idea how to do -- or who does -- the little red stars. For all I know, it's aliens. ;-)"

So aliens have been running Salon of late. That would explain a lot!

At some point as the baby starts to emerge the doc or ass't will take a big pair of scissors and CUT THE VAGINA OPEN.

That is the natural approach?

We are talking blood pouring off the table over the baby, and the wanton destruction of female anatomy which doesn't always heal.

It's gross. It's another instance of "Doctor Knows Best" when fact is Doc don't know shit.

You know how many babies doctors killed before they learned about washing their hands?

And what is up with mutilating the baby boy's penis? That is almost like a Jewish doctor conspiracy.

Conclusion: You better think three times before you listen to any M.D. on this topic. They really enjoy taking the knife to your privates.

I was utterly blown away to find out that women's pants don't even come in lengths. It is actually one reason women may buy so many pairs of shoes -- the heel length compenstates for the pants length. And that money would otherwise be spent on hemming.

This actually merits legal action as it has cost millions of women (and their husbands) time and money over and beyond what would be spent if pants came in lengths. They have to spend money on tailoring, more shoes, returns, etc. It is an anti-competitive conspiracy by manufacturers who don't want to incure the greater cost of making pants in more sizes. Seriously. They make higher profits this way -- and shut out competitors who try to change it.

So here, ladies, is an issue worthy of your furor. If you are lucky, you can get Spitzer involved. I can guarantee you men would not put up with this kind of bullshit for as long as you have. Good luck!

This study is B.S. But maybe it was just my sexy American accent?

Anyway, two words come to mind: statistically insignificant.

Happy April 1st, everyone!

At least the boys. But that is the whole problem with Broadsheet. It's a single-minded -- nearly solipsistic -- feminist perspective that casts the world in an alien tint. This is of service to nobody.

Feel free to cast it for you have not sinned;

and what shall shatter the glass house wherewith you live?

She is way over the hill for these kind of films. She should be doing Hallmark flicks with soft-lighting, cute animals and happy endings.

Or, barring that, bestiality porn (nobody really cares what the girl looks like if she's getting a horse-ride).

But the blowjob suggestion is interesting. Does she recommend that a girl spit, swallow, or snowball to best put a man off?

P.S. Thanks again to Broadsheet for elevating the image of women worldwide.

This is a Feminist? In the old days we called 'em Jezebel.

I've never heard of her before. But I am not surprised to find a calculating, disingenuous, self-centered shrew is the Matriarch of your Movement.

With saints like these, you hardly need sinners.

But, oh, the humility to publish her own "mistakes". She got on her knees to suck the semen out of an old man's cock for one reason. And it worked out very well. Why do you think she's bringing it up again? (hint: to get published)

Same goes for her hook-up with Mr. Martha. She did a rival big-shot's spouse. It's a notch in her alpha-male belt that she wants you to know about.

P.S. She does make a convicted felon -- Ms. Stewart -- look sympathetic. Which takes talent. Too bad it's not the writerly kind.

There are ALLEGATIONS of rape. We need a trial to settle them. As in the Tawana Brawley case, it's quite possible she is NOT a victim. Presumed innocent, remember?

Meantime, we do know for a fact that this woman was hired to be an exotic dancer. Exotic dancers who work frat parties are the very epitome of a "ho" to most Americans.

Enter Al Sharpton -- aka Captain Save-a-Ho. Any chance to fling racism charges around on behalf of distressed maidens shall not go un-exploited by the good Rev.

So let the REAL party begin. It ought to be interesting.

P.S. Self-righteous men-are-presumed-guilty-and-pissed-on blog posts like this belong in Broadsheet. That is the designated white-men-are-evil section of Salon. So don't let the those girls be mean to you, Farhad. You can be a man-hating shrew in pink, too.

testing...