Letters to the Editor
Published Letters: 13 Editor's Choice: 3
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The other side of "balance"
[Read the article: Marrying for love or money?]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]Thanks to Lori Leibovich and Rebecca Traister for bringing up the other side of the oh-so-popular concept of balance. At any corporate seminar, you can hear that it's great to work, but not too much--we all need balance in our lives. It's only lip service in any case, but what you really never hear about is the need for balance from spending too much time in domestic life. It's assumed to be the exalted goal of all women (well, mothers at least) to be full time at home--and if you're a mother who works, you're supposed to regret it and do it only if you "have to", i.e. if your partner's income wouldn't meet your family's needs even if you scaled back your lifestyle. To work because you choose to draws dirty looks to this day. It's time to call out this BS, and I'm glad to see the firestorm continue.
(Aside: I wrote a little poem about this a few years ago when I got sick of hearing about "balance"-- .)
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The other side of "balance"
[Read the article: Marrying for love or money?]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]Thanks to Lori Leibovich and Rebecca Traister for bringing up the other side of the oh-so-popular concept of balance. At any corporate seminar, you can hear that it's great to work, but not too much--we all need balance in our lives. It's only lip service in any case, but what you really never hear about is the need for balance from spending too much time in domestic life. It's assumed to be the exalted goal of all women (well, mothers at least) to be full time at home--and if you're a mother who works, you're supposed to regret it and do it only if you "have to", i.e. if your partner's income wouldn't meet your family's needs even if you scaled back your lifestyle. To work because you choose to draws dirty looks to this day. It's time to call out this BS, and I'm glad to see the firestorm continue.
(Aside: I wrote a little poem about this a few years ago when I got sick of hearing about "balance"--you can see it at http://www.cydharrell.com/that_balance_they_all_talk_about.html if you care to.)
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Hell yes!
[Read the article: Should you IUD?]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]Got a Paragard after my daughter was born because I didn't want to take hormones while nursing. I love it--same advantages of spontaneity and reliability as the Pill, even less to think about. (But I believe they are harder to use for women who haven't given birth.) Anyway, I did it based on my gynecologist mom's advice and I'm definitely delighted with it.
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Old Navy has cute, inexpensive stuff
[Read the article: Sexy maternity]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]Surprisingly great stuff at ON--including basic black pants, great camisoles and undies, and lots of cute, work-appropriate tops. I combined a base of that with a few nice items from Japanese Weekend, some hand-me-downs, and one big splurge for a fancy dress since I was big during the holidays. Passed it all on to a dear friend when I was done. :)
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I thought it was fairly positive.
[Read the article: "Breast-Feed or Else"]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]Well, the one thing I found problematic about the article was that it perpetuated the idea that breastfeeding is a full-time occupation for years and is only possible for at-home moms. The one nursing mom quoted nursed a child ad-lib until age 4 and said something like "it's a transformation of your entire lifestyle". There's a big continuum between exclusive bottle feeding and that extreme, and most nursing moms fit somewhere in between. (Especially after the first few months, which really do need to be covered on leave.)
We need way more support for breastfeeding, and I wouldn't kid anyone that it's easy--though it is certainly cheap. The campaign ought to be pointed at the government, i.e. they are the ones putting babies at risk by not requiring that maternity leaves be both paid and long enough to fully establish breastfeeding...and that workplaces support pumping once mothers return.
All that said, the fact that some mothers aren't able to breastfeed shouldn't prevent the promotion of nursing as the best thing for babies (and moms too, please note the weight loss, diabetes, cancer stats). It shouldn't be considered shaming if you can't--just a somewhat unfortunate reality that we are lucky to have a good backup (formula) for. Some mothers have difficult births and need extended recovery--they aren't able to get out and about as quickly and need extra help with their babies. Some babies are born early and need all kinds of backup assistance. No one thinks either of those circumstances is a cause for shame, just somewhat unfortunate realities that we need to provide good backup for.
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I don't think you're the target, Lori
[Read the article: Breast bullies]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]These ads are so not aimed at worried moms trying their best to nurse in difficult circumstances. They're aimed at moms who are told not to try because bottle feeding's "easier" (debatable for moms who nurse easily--formula involves a lot of equipment and expense), or who quit in the face of families that think it's weird or insufficient, workplaces that don't support it, daycare givers that don't know how to manage breastmilk but can handle formula, etc. Outside of liberal urban areas, it can be really really tough and backing in the form of "no, it's really best for my kid" can't hurt.
Ideally the campaigns should be directed at those forces as well, I agree, but I don't have a problem with getting pretty explicit about the fact that it's better. Society should think of formula as a backup--it's a fine one, no question--rather than just another option. Then, whether individuals need that backup is up to them.
(And yes, I nursed, was lucky enough to have a 6-month maternity leave and my own office where I pumped until 13 months. Just weaned at 2 years--great experience for us, but I have NEVER been nasty to a bottle feeding mom. Way too many friends needing the backup for one reason or another!)