Both of my kids, by the age of two, knew that people come in two genders and that certain traits (like wearing skirts or shaving the face) were more-or-less exclusive to one or the other. This strikes me as the most basic human knowledge. They were able by this age to understand much more abstract concepts – to identify letters, colors, and shapes; to count objects; to recognize things in real life that they had only seen drawn in books and vice versa; to know when someone was being silly and laugh accordingly; to understand how the presence of one thing implies that of another, even if it is unseen (e.g., a key implies a lock, an umbrella implies rain, a scoop implies ice cream). People are incredibly smart, and no more so than when they are very young and all about absorbing information and sorting it into patterns. "It was generally assumed that it wasn't until preschool -- when kids split into gender segregated groups -- that they started to recognize gender stereotypes or expectations." This is ridiculous! Perhaps the greatest intellectual triumph of a person’s early years is the learning of language. Are you telling me that it is news to researchers that toddlers understand the difference between the words "he" and "she"? Or how to recognize which of a playmate’s parents is the mommy and which is the daddy? Once a child can distinguish between genders, the unique attributes of each get stored in their brains as reliably as any of the other data they process every day in such copious quantities.

Wasn’t there recently a study that found that the AIDS epidemic in Africa stems from the fact that many people there engage in sexual networks (i.e, in which each person has multiple partners at any given time) rather than the monogamy or serial monogamy more prevalent in the rest of the world? The theory, I believe, is that if one person becomes infected with HIV and introduces it into the group, over time most of the group will become infected. Serial monogamy is much safer, even if over the long term you have the same number of partners.

Stop caring what anyone else thinks about whether or not you: work, have a nanny, breastfeed, spank, let your kids watch TV, buy organic food, have a pool in the backyard, vaccinate, send your kids to away camp, or any of the other myriad things about which there are differences of opinion. It’s a colossal waste of your energy. As Dr. Spock said, trust yourself. I relish seeing the vicious attacks on this board, because it’s good practice for hardening myself to the outside world’s opinion. No matter what I do, someone will be outraged by it, which I find incredibly liberating – I can do anything I want! Subject, of course, to my own judgment, ethical standards, and economic circumstances, factors that mean a lot more to me than what some outsider thinks.

LW has done us all an enormous favor by describing her situation so clearly and forcefully. I imagine we all have at least one ticking time bomb of a psychopathic or evil or just plain screwed up relative whose dysfunction threatens to explode and take out the nearest lonely gullible do-gooder in the family. It behooves everyone to think through the likely scenarios and head them off before the crisis comes to a head. Perhaps talking with your mother about all this before her sister got her clutches into her (because face it, it’s the sort of thing you can see coming from years away) would have strengthened her ability to resist. Or perhaps not, but at least steps could have been taken to mitigate the damage.

Another possibility for disasters that spill over onto everyone else is the second marriage. Whether it’s Anna Nicole preying on your widowed father or your delusional sister whose fiancé has children with two other women, no job prospects, and a gambling habit, you will find that talking sense to a person in love is the definition of frustrating. When either party has been married before or has children from a prior relationship, then the happy couple’s closest relatives should speak up and make a strong case for a prenup, backed up with the promise not to help out in times of need unless there is evidence that sound advice will be heeded.. These aren’t fun conversations, but I think they are essential.

Oh, and LW should stop loaning money to Mom and should suggest that Mom give up her apartment and move into her home. If Mom refuses, then now is the time to ask her for any family heirlooms that she intends to pass on to her own children. Say this is for safeguarding purposes, which it is. Otherwise, don't expect the family silver to still be there when Mom dies. Or the family photographs, either, if Goneril or Lenny has a vindictive streak.