Letters to the Editor
stackey-dackey
Published Letters: 287 Editor's Choice: 8
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What if Mom never forgives her for telling?
[Read the article: Should I confront my father about his affair?]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]I've seen alot of people on this board say, What if your mother finds out you knew and never forgives you for not telling her; what if the mom doesn't forgive her daughter for telling her? That happens too. It's bad enough your husband is cheating on you, but to have your daughter be the one to tell you...that would personally be the most galling thing for me to swallow. But thats me. I may be projecting.
I think there is alot of projection in these letters from the people who are gung ho for the LW tell on her fahter. This situation isn't your situation; you can't know that the father plans to leave his wife, or that the wife isn't having an affair of her own, or that something is just inherently not right in their marriage, that they've come to an arrangement that they don't want the kids to know about, or that dad is just an asshole. Despite what the Lifetime network tells you, not all adulterers are the same.
I think the best thing for the daughter to do is to talk to her father first, confess that she snooped in his private email, and tell her she knows he is having an affair. He is still her father, even if he is a drunk adulterer, and he deserves the chance to confess to his wife first now that the secret is out. I think she shouldn't necessarily say, if you don't tell mom I will, but just admit that she is a human being (who likes to snoop) and the chance of her blurting it out at some inopportune time are pretty high.
And then she should wash her hands of it. She is an adult woman with a husband of her own; her parents marriage isn't her business. If her mom needs to cry on someone's shoulder fine. If her dad needs to talk, she should be there too in my opinion. It might be projection, but my dad was a drunk adulterer as well and I wrote him off, but now he's dead I wish to God I had listened to my mother when she said, this is between me and your father. listen to my mother who said, this is between me and your father. Because despite the drunk adultery part, my father was also a complex and sweet man who just couldn't turn a woman down.
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Holy crap, Laurel!
[Read the article: Should I confront my father about his affair?]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]I guess I just have a different idea about family than the rest of you. From natesmith saying, "your father has forefeited all right to your concern" to you saying the LW should break into her father's computer, read all of the letters, then highlight every time the father bad mouths his wife...I mean c'mon!
Look, he's cheating on his wife. It is wrong. But sometimes good people, or people you love, do really bad things. You still love them, though; you don't cut them out of your life or act like a passive agressive psycho bitch. At least the LW should have the stones, if she's going to tell on her father, to tell on him to her mother rather than send an anonymous letter! I mean, thats so friggin cowardly.
An aside: I have an uncle who is multiple murderer and I will most likely never see him again outside of a visiting room. I know the situation isn't comprable, but I still write him, because I love him, and I remember how he was always doing nice things for me when I was a kid. I put money on his jail house account as well. Sure, the money he used to buy us gifts is a little suspect now, but still, I suppose it is the thought that counts. At least it wasn't actually bloody.
The sad thing is, he did AWFUL things, granted to strangers and other people of his particular profession for the most part, but still AWFUL, HORRENDOUS, AWFUL things. I mean AWFUL. He was guilty as sin, too. This was no travesty of justice; my uncle is a murdering bastard. It's amazing that someone who seemed so loving and kind could be ruthless enough to do these sort of things.
I still have concern for him, though. I still love him because he was always loving towards me. Though, Laurel, if I found out about HIS particular crimes I would have definitely turned him in anonymously. He was nice, but I'm not a fool.
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"The most despicable campaign ever had... HA!
[Read the article: Blow-back from Clinton supporters hurting Obama?]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]Shawn,
You are a hoot. I mean really, would you like some salt with that overexaggeration.
Neither Hillary nor Barrack have run a despicable campaign by modern American historical standards. Compare this campaign to campaigns throughout the world, and you will see we are pretty decourous and civilized. At least, god willing, neither of them got assasinated! Or had their armed millitias turn voters away at the polls. (that was the 2000 election.)
Repeat it with me boys and girls...neither of them have run despicable campaigns. There has been some back biting, and little snark, but honestly, it wasn't that BAD!
The fact is the following:
Calling someone out for their comments is part of campaigning. I.E., bitter remarks, Wrightgate, denounce and reject, etc., etc., elitis, ad nauseaum. It isn't "bashing them" or "attacking them." The language of the print media is so completely over the top over the most trivial of things, that I can barely stand reading anyone anymore. She attacked him for his words. He fired back...c'mon. It's not like they are in a cage fight to death.
Both Obama and Clinton supporters are sooo friggin touchy about every little thing, that they have ratcheted up the drama on the silliest things. I've really tried to stay out of it, because I'm one of those folks who would vote for anyone...as long as they are a donkey.
Maybe we shouldn't have a black or a woman president if it means people who support them will be so goddamn over-emotional about every little thing.