Letters to the Editor
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Published Letters: 83 Editor's Choice: 7
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No anonymous letter, and no passive-aggressive nonsense...
[Read the article: Should I confront my father about his affair?]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]Sending an anonymous letter or even print-outs of the e-mails is a passive-aggressive, cowardly thing to do. I don't know what the 'right' thing to do is, or even if there is a definite 'right' thing. My opinion is that if LW is going to address the issue, she should address it directly with her dad.
Let's also assume that LW takes Cary's advice and decides what she really wants. Suppose that what she really wants is for her mom to be financially secure and not to be in the dark any longer. It is true that LW doesn't know everything about her parents' marriage: maybe they have an agreement; maybe they're both swingers; maybe Dad is plain-old cheating. LW doesn't know. That's why she should broach the subject with Dad first - not with Mom. She should simply say "Dad I saw your e-mail account when I used your laptop. You were logged in and your inbox was open. I know you're having an affair. Does Mom know about Mistress?" The rest of the conversation depends on what Dad says next.
This situation sucks, and I'm appalled by the number of vitriolic, mean, and judgemental posts. LW is in a big mess, and none of her options are pleasant.
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Get jobs and see a financial advisor
[Read the article: What should we do with our $3 million?]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]As I read your letter, I got the impression that neither one of you has any idea how to manage such a large amount of money. Unless you grew up in a wealthy family or are a finance professional, there's no reason why you would have experience managing a $3 million account. That's nothing to be embarassed about - most people would't know what to do with that amount of money. So...it's time for you to learn about personal finance.
You need to understand that you received a one-time amount of $3 million. You do not have an annual income of $3 million. While this is definitely a large sum of money, it is not enough to sustain you comfortably for the rest of your lives if you're not adding to it. It's definitely not enough to last if you're living lavishly while not earning any more income. At the rate you're going, you will have blown through all your money within the next 5 - 10 years. Then you'll be broke and unemployed. And because you will not have worked for a long time, you'll have a very difficult time finding jobs that pay enough to make up for all the money you blew. If you don't have a steady income, your only choice is to (quickly) drain your inheritance. Then it's gone. And you're screwed.
You need jobs. You do not have to break your necks working 60 - 70 hours a week in high-stress, high-paying jobs, unless you're passionate about a particular career. Just find jobs that you enjoy doing that pay enough to cover your living expenses and offer health insurance and other benefits. Working will keep you occupied and will offer a degree of self respect that being a beach bum just doesn't allow.
Most importantly, you need to see a financial advisor or wealth management professional as soon as possible. If you do not know of a reputable financial advisor, contact your bank. They probably have one on staff. This person will teach you how to make that $3 million increase, rather than decrease, over time. The advisor won't try to make you hoard all the money away until you're 65; you'll find that you can and should use some of the money now. The advisor will help you decide what things to do with the money now - like paying off debt, buying a car, making a down payment on a house - and he or she can guide you in how you save or invest the larger portion.
I have recently found myself in a similar situation. A beloved, wealthy aunt and uncle each passed away over the last two years and left each of their nieces and nephews substantial inheritances. Although my husband and I are very comfortable financially (we're both computer engineers), neither one of us felt at ease trying to manage a million-dollar inheritance. We met with a wealth management specialist who was tremendously helpful. We used some of the money to pay off my car and the rest of an old student loan, we remodeled our house, we donated to charity, and then invested the rest in long-term and short-term mutual funds and stocks. The advisor let us know we could enjoy some of the money now, while the rest of it grows over time.
Inheriting a large sum of money is a big responsibility. Make it work to your advantage.