Letters to the Editor
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Published Letters: 86 Editor's Choice: 7
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@Sandra_M
[Read the article: Should I come out as an atheist?]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]Sandra: Thank you for your post. You said very well what so many of us non-believers feel about atheism and morality. Not having morality dictated by a supreme Judge of sorts requires us to think rationally about how our decisions and behaviors impact ourselves and the world around us. Because most of us want the best lives possible, we strive to make choices that are consistent with that goal. Not only can atheists/agnostics be moral people, they can even be far more principled that believers who follow rules simply because the rules are proscribed by their respective religions.
As for the LW's delimma, I can totally relate. He/she sounds much like my 20-year old self (10 years ago). My advice would be to only 'come out' to people who really need to know. And by that I mean people very close to you, such as parents and siblings. Maybe a close friend or two, if religion played a big part of the friendship. There's no need to advertise to the world. The reasons I would argue that those people I mentioned need to know are: (A)You cannot have a close or authentic relationship with people you are actively deceiving, and (B)Pretending to be someone you aren't, or pretending to agree with something you don't, can be emotionally exhausting.
I understand that some people think that you should just try to keep the peace and be quiet, but I disagree. I want the people I'm close to to know the real me. That they may disapprove of that person is a risk I'm willing to take. I value honesty and authenticity too much to live a lie.
I was brought up in a protestant evangelical family, and had doubts for years. While in college, after much thought and research, I forced myself to admit that I just didn't believe anymore and that I couldn't magically manufacture that belief. It took me about 3 years to finally come out to my parents. I had to tell them because they kept inviting me to church everytime I came home from college, and they always wanted to talk about God and the Bible. I always made excuses not to go to church, or else I made it a point to drive back to college early sunday morning. I didn't want to tell them because I knew how upset they would be.
When I finally did tell them, they both completely lost it. It was awful. There was shouting, crying, calls to the pastor... and I felt like the most horrible daughter on earth. For the next couple of years, our relationship was strained - to say the least. They were not upset because of some bizarre superiority complex; they genuinely believed that I had just signed my own eternal death warrant, and they were devastated. No amount of logic/reasoning could make them see otherwise. Now, things are much better. Sadly, my dad passed away a few years ago. But long before he died, we had regained much of our previous closeness. We eventually just all agreed to disagree. My mom still occasionally tries to re-convert me. When she does, I just tell her respectfully that I'm not interested in having that conversation. She thinks that belief without evidence (i.e. blind faith) is valid; I don't. Also, she asks me to listen with an open mind, while saying that nothing I could ever say or do would change her mind. If I'm expected to listen with an open mind, I expect that same courtesy in return. If I'm not going to get it, I'm not having the discussion. period. There's no way my family and I are ever going to agree on the subject of religion, so I would prefer to find ways in which we can connect and not focus on our differences. I think I made the right decision to be honest.
Now, if anyone ever asks me what my religion/worldview is, I typically just say that I'm non-religious. If pressed, I'll tell people that I don't believe in any gods or goddesses. Usually, they let it go at that and just think I'm a little weird. My soon-to-be husband is a bit more vocal about his atheism, though not ever in a way that is rude to religious people. Beyond immediate family and a few friends, I think you should just tread very cautiously for a while.
Look for a group of non-believers in your city, and try to read some books about atheism. Authors to look for: Richard Dawkins, Bertrand Russell, Carl Sagan (about critical thinking), and Dan Barker (former pastor who became an atheist). Also, check out the website www.americanatheists.org
All the best to you.
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Go Versa!
[Read the article: Who needs a Prius anyway?]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]I bought a brand new Versa last spring, and it was a great choice for me. I seriously thought about getting a Prius, but realistically, it was out of my price range. however, I paid just over $16K - including tax, title, and license - for my Versa SL (the up-graded model). My little Versa gets about 36 mpg, is fun to drive with the manual transmission, and is really practical. My fiance and I can get all our sports and camping equipment in there, plus our (very large)dog.
It makes me happy to see all the new small cars on the road. Even if they're not quite as fuel efficient as a Prius, they get good gas mileage, and are MUCH better than most sedans, trucks, and SUV's. They're easier to park and scoot in and out of city traffic, and they're not expensive. I think that a big key to convincing people to drive fuel-effience vehicles is to make them affordable to more people. I hope the trend continues.