Yes you are insensitve. She has three children under the age of 7, obviously she can't work, it would cost more in chidcare than she would make. I hope you never have a probelm and ask for advice here because unfortunately there will always be cruel readers like you just ready to pounce when someone sincerely is in pain and reaching out. Being a mother, wife, housekeeper, laundress, accountant, nurse, cook, maid, seamstress, organizer, and driver can be quite taxing on ones emotional bank account. So don't blather until you have been in her shoes. Trust me a 9 to 5 job is infinitely easier than being a wife and mother.

Dear LW,

I hear you, I feel it, I know exactly how you feel. Those of you who tell her all she needs is a babysitter really don't get it. I can never find a babysitter, and besides can't even afford one. LW, let your true self come out, keep writing and stop beating yourself up.

Suicide cuts so much deeper than mere death. Those of us who are left with the emotional debris of a suicide never quite recover, we are forever scarred. Years later, in my case almost 35 years later I find my eyes prick with tears in the midst of the most mundane of situations. Today it happened while I was driving, it was sunny, and there was no reason to even think about it, but there it was, the black malignant thing that cannot be excised:a suicide that will remain an emotional albatross that I can never be free of. Are you really that selfish? Are you really that cruel? I don't think you are. That said I think you need to see a doctor, I think you need to tell everyone you love that you are suicidal, I think you shouldn't be left alone.

so you don't have to tell her. Please just get your own life together. Take care.

Move on, this guy is trying to tell you he isn't interested in marrying you. Better luck with the next guy.

LW you said you got a full scholarship and then tuition was raised a bit each year so your father took a loan out in your name. That only could have been done with your knowledge and obviously he gave you money to help pay for your education from that loan. Why couldn't you just have gotten a part time job to help pay for your education, you already had a full scholarship so it couldn't have been too much more, in fact not much more at all as $15,000 is nothing, I am twice your age and still owe $62,000. Don't listen to Cary, this advice is TERRIBLE this time, do you really want to destroy your family over this? You are going to have to help pay this loan back once you are working, otherwise you are going to have to defer payments which is possible with student loans. You took the loan money from your Dad without any qualms, but now that he is in financial straits you want to throw the book at him? Come on he is your father, he lost his job, it's only $15,000 dollars. What is the interest rate? Is it locked? Can you have the loan renegotiated at a lower rate? You also seem to resent your siblings because your father is helping them with community college. Are you saying you are more deserving? Did it occur to you that maybe your Dad loves them as much as you? Help your Dad pay back these loans...they are not only in your name and you KNOW that, they are in your name as well, now, behave like an adult that has to face some ugly consequences of this economic downturn, because at the end of the day all one sometimes has left is FAMILY.

Get out!

Why on Earth was this letter even considered for publication? Cary, this letter is really lame.

This letter has drawn me in like no other, maybe it's because the pain of rejection is so universal. This letter was so eloquent in it's bare prose, and Cary is right there is a dash of mystery and daring. Letter Writer, you will feel better in time, I also know that isn't a satisfying answer. Unfortunately one party usually get's the pointy end of the stick stuck in their heart after a one night stand, and I'm sorry it happened to you. Yes, I have been there, and Good Lord it makes you feel unlovable and barren. You seem really intelligent, witty, sensitive, and extraordinarily interesting, and I no doubt if I knew you would want to be friends with you, just as no doubt you will eventually meet someone else, and you will look back and think: I can't believe I was so hung up on that guy. Cary is also right about working out your self-esteem issues...people can smell a black hole of emotional need and shy away from it. You have to give yourself time, and you have to be careful whom you give your heart to, don't hand it over so generously next time. There is a song by John Cale called I keep a Close Watch on this Heart of Mine. Listen to it. It's a sad song, but beautiful and poignant. Best of Luck to you.

Your letter was so well written that I am wondering if you ought to write more to help get yourself through this? You really are in the thick of it and I truly feel for you, it's not often that Cary gets a letter that is so touching. I really hope for the best for you, and like I said, try writing. Write until you write out the pain. Take Care.

He certainly lives up to his name. You handled yourself well Joan, and I admire you. Let's not let this go we need to keep showing people just how out of touch and crazy many of these Republicans are.