I don't see why.

Well your history of post shows that you are member of victimization feminist branch. You always seem to be a victim of this or that group and never do shit about it blaming your inaction on some other. There is never any sense of personal responsibility. You see evil motives behind every action instead of allowing for the possibility of an alternative explanation that is more likely.

Look, you seem to think that the kind of men who batter and kill women fly red flags right off the bat. Abusers do not go from Mr/Mrs Nice person to abuser on a switch or after kids

Yes, they do. That's how they get their victims. Their initial bait can be very sweet, and they can continue to be very sweet between incidents.

This is what I mean. Sorry to be the one to tell you this but the kind of person not just men that abuses do show warning signs before physical abuse takes place. You do know that about half of all DV is started or perpetrated only by women its just that men are stronger on the whole so cause more damage.

But back to your point. People do not go happily along for months or years and than just one day decide to hit there partner because the dishes where not put away. There is almost always signs, from an increase in drinking or drugs or stress level to the control issues. When someone tells you what you can or can't do that is a sign that violence might be coming. When family and friends warn you about behavior that is a sign. When requests turn to orders that is a sign. If they verbally insult and abuse you that is a sign. If there is "playful" shoving and pushing to get ones way that is a sign. If they change moods at the drop of the hat that is a sign. Says crap like I can't live or wont live with out you that is a sign.

In case you think that these signs will be present in the first date of course I don't think that but that is you trying to make a strawman. But these behaviors will usually be there within the first year. The cases where they are not are when the person starts to use drugs and booze in higher levels or is onset with a high stress load.

However, I have met a batterer, and he seemed perfectly normal at first. There was something about him that I didn't like, but I couldn't put a finger on it. His behavior was fine and he seemed like a perfectly nice guy.

Even though you can't name the exact behavior you already saw warning signs. In the example of my college roommate they where not hard to figure out either. He was jealous about everything, he would insult and yell, he drank.

Now image that she got out when you first noticed something was not right. She might still have been in danger but most likely not. She would have a larger support group because she still had her own friends.

Abusers boil the frog gradually, habituating their victims to slowly increasing levels of control, if the victims aren't prehabituated by their family of origin.

Which is it? Do abusers show signs or not?

Batterers don't start throwing punches on the first date, nor are most battered women hit daily. There may be weeks, months and even years between incidents, time during which the batterer can be very nice, not just to the victim, but to everyone they know

And I have said anything different? What I said is the first sign of violence or abuse you need to leave. No ifs ands or buts about it. Someone says that you can't hang out with Friend A leave. Someone says that you can't go to place B leave.

Telling people they will be safe when they are, in fact, escalating their risk is irresponsible, not to mention condescending.

What the hell are you talking about? I never said shit about safe or not safe. I know one thing staying some where you get your ass kicked is not safe. Staying with someone that shows signs of potential abuse is not safe. No one can guarantee safety. A women can leave an abuser and get killed by a car on her way to stay at a friends house.

These women probably know better than you do what their risk really is.

You know what I doubt that very much. Do you know why, because I don't think they deserve to be hit because they used the wrong dish soap. I don't make excuses for the behavior of others that are doing wrong. I don't allow myself to stay in situations like this. This does not make me better than them or smarter than them it just means I do not share there disease that allows them to make bad judgments in this situation.