Yes, it's the "codes" that make the difference.

- the term "whoring" being a common pejorative

From a look at the first too pages of google using the search whoring around it seems to be used to describe both sexes. I would say about 60 to 40 women to men ratio and most of the uses against females have been to the hollywood gossip group of the Paris, Lindsy and Amy.

- women being expected to give up their jobs to take care of children

This must be an upper middle class white thing. Most working class women have to work to make ends to meet. And the war on welfare if it was anything was a war on Black Women to get a job.

- women being treated as "strange" if they choose not to have children

Men are treated as strange if they don't want to "marry and settle down" or dont want kids either.

- women cooking in the kitchen during picnics while the men stand around outside around the grill, drinking beer

What does this have to do with anything? It is advertisement shorthand as so few people go around asking people do you cook in the kitchen or the grill in anything close to a sexist manner to say it is none. And if you want to get into how advertisements treat the sexes watch just watch a few hours of television and you will see a number of commercials showing how dumb and clueless some father is and how only a women can do shit right.

- women being told they can't do dangerous jobs, like being on the front line in the military

How about that is the only job that women are barred from doing in this country. There are women cops, fire fighters, wildcatters, and fishers to name the most physically demanding jobs. Surprising you don't see many women taxi drivers a job that does not require much in physicality but is very dangerous.

The problem of course with women cops and fire fighters is many of the women that do these jobs where only able to get these jobs after the physical requirements where lowered. Here is a secret the average man is much stronger than the average women and the available pool of women that can do many of these dangerous jobs is rather small. Nature is a asshole sometimes.

- women journalists having to wear skirts and stockings. For that matter, debate over women wearing pantsuits (are they -feminine enough?"

Do you just make up this victimization? Every female anchor in my market wears pantsuits and there has been no debate over this. I would say around three quarters of the time the onsight female reporters are wearing pants.

- the word "butch", implying homosexuality, being applied to any women who does not meet current standars of femininity (standard disclaimer, "not anything wrong with being lesbian, but why is this an insult?")

Now i know you are making shit up. Butch is not a commonly used comment by men. Hate to break this little secret to you but at work most men don't give a shit about the appearance of there female coworkers enough to commit or think about it for more than 2 seconds.

- Men crossing their legs visibly when talking about a woman, -- women being called "ballbreakers" and men having discussions over whether a woman is "castrating" a man, as if the mere act of being dominated by a woman somehow takes away a man's masculinity.

Again not common place at all. I would guess the number of times a man has crossed his legs when talking about a women is about 1 time in 10 million conversations. Castration is something that is joked about by women not men. And the furtherist this line of thinking gets is some ribbing aka joking about a ball and chain either on a wedding night or when your male friend turns down planes to do something with his wife/girlfriend and is in no way serious.

- people worrying about men being beaten and murdered in Iraq - but not the women who are afraid to go outside because they will be raped and then ostracized.

Yeah right. Where is all the outcry for the approximately one third of rape victims that are men? Oh that is right society has decided that it is ok to joke about prison rape and have the attitude that is what they deserve.

And give me a fucking break about society ignoring rape on females. The Duke kids where tried and convicted for a good 6 months to a year before the public started to have any doubts on the case. Society has passed special laws that makes getting any evidence even if relevant about an alleged victim past. Society has spent millions on educational and outreach programs for female rape victims. Society goes out of its way to "respect the privacy" of the victim by not naming them while rushing to include the mug shot of the alleged rapists.

These are just a few of the "codes" that women deal with every day. The more obvious ones. Please don't assume that our codes are any less important just because you take them for granted.

Most of what you mentioned are not codes that women have to deal with every day well unless your in perpetual victim hood mode.