Rectal bleaching. Bleaching of the anus to make it appear lighter. Los Angeles. Search it on the internet, or better yet hurry over to your local cosmetic surgeon and ask for it by name!

Sosa: He had some great offensive years (a result of steroid use and corked bats), but was a crappy fielder. His artificially pumped arm (accented by specially tailored "spandex" uniform sleeves), was strong, but the brain behind it was not.

Despite his career batting statistics, many questions whether he'll make the Hall of Fame.

Ahhh, poor you. Mean 'ol lady take away your kids- boo hoo. Here's a kleenex.

There's no doubt hanging around a genius such as yourself (noting your "creative" spelling and grammar) would surely drive any woman to realize her utter inferiority and collapse into a pit of drugs and "infidelity..."

Just keep telling yourself this, Barry: it's always the bitch's fault, never yours.

I'm sure your kids feel the same way.

Surely you underestimate, Ms.Titz!

I heard from several reputable sources it was closer to 45 million. The liberal media keeps trying to reduce the number of True Patriots in attendance that glorious day: God-fearing men and their women, in cargo shorts and silk-screened t-shirts and athletic shoes- genuine citizens born on this soil, soil that's been soaked in the blood of their brave forefathers, with wills tempered by the Holy Ghost- marching in JESUS' NAME, onward, upward, all powerful together, knowing that someday a hero will come and sound the battle call- 'SLAUGHTER THEM, ALL THOSE NOT BORN ON THIS SACRED SOIL! AND THEIR CHILDREN, AND THEIR PETS, TOO!" (Try to do it outside though, so you don't get blood on the carpets.)

YOU are that hero, Ms. Titz, and we need you now, more than ever!

And by the strength of the Almighty, and your steady hand at the wheel, Oily, WE WILL PREVAIL!

You did say you were born here, right?

like actual hospital or other address he was born at.

Your dangling "at" is an unnecessary preposition, which any third-grade English student would have known.

Perhaps you should spend a little more time practicing the nuts and bolts of your "writing" before sending biographies to your, ummm... editors.

Don't want to delay that fat advance, right?

If Tom Tomorrow's name is really Tom Tomorrow..? Tom is such an old-fashioned name. And Tomorrow? I looked it up in my local white pages and couldn't find any individual with the family name of "Tomorrow." Could it really be that a person has the name Tom Tomorrow? It just seems too good to be true, too lucky. I think it would be SO neat to have the name Tom Tomorrow, but sort of weird too, I guess, 'cuz then people would think you would be the famous cartoonist, and they would ask about stuff that would confuse you, and then they might think you were fibbing if you said you weren't THAT Tom Tomorrow, 'cuz, be realistic now, just how many Tom Tomorrows are there? Come to think of it, it might actually be better to be Tod Today. But that makes me think that if it's really better to be Tod Today, why isn't Tom Tomorrow named Tod Today? Do you know anyone named Tod Today? That's a weird name too, but not as weird as Tom Tomorrow, I'm thinking, 'cuz Tod Today would imply something real and concrete, whereas Tom Tomorrow implies something abstract, perhaps something to only be hoped for, and possibly never to arrive. Plus, the other kids might make fun of you when you are little, and do mean stuff like when you ask if someone will throw you the ball, and they'd always say "Sure, I'll throw it to you... TOMORROW!" And then everyone would laugh and leave and you'd be alone again. So it probably really is better to be Tod Today, rather than Tom Tomorrow, even though you wouldn't be famous when you grew up.

against asthenopia.

Whether by bootstrap pullin' or lottery winning, every American thinks, "Don't put constraints on the wealthy, 'cuz I'll be rich one day, too."

Sadly, it's in our DNA.

http://stupidsportsblog.blogspot.com/2009/09/jaycee-dugard-reacts-to-mark-whickers.html

"Mr. Steele, what would YOU do to make Medicare more efficient? Be specific, please."

Alas. Painful nonetheless.

How can anyone take a fucking idiot like this seriously?

Oh wait- he makes lots of munnnny selling garbage to other idiots, so he must be important.

Here's an idea: shove a couple of dicks in his mouth; at least that would save us from having to hear any more of his "shit."

= fail

There is no "T" nor is there an "H" in birfer. Editors, please take note. Thank you.

I fucking LOVE the internets.

and Sarah Palin seriously.

We're so lucky Salon has provided such a remarkable intellect the opportunity to publish her "writing."